Fingerprints ..... again!

Well, it's been a year since my posting about our fingerprinting episode last year .... (see "Archives" - Immigrations Aggitations & Illuminations). So, since they expire in October (their life span is 15 months) we'd best get them re-done since this paperwork pregnancy is taking a lot longer than we had opriginally planned. Be and I have just sent in our request for the re-deux and perhaps this will serve as a reminder to our visitors to check the date of your last printing - and renew as needed. Here's the site with the info .......

http://www.uscis.gov/graphics/formsfee/index.htm

The Cockatiel With the Fur Coat

Streets of St. Augustine

Where do Orlandoans go to escape the Magic Kingdom? Many head to St Augustine. We recently overnighted at a Bed & Breakfast at "The Oldest City in America" and took to the streets of the old city at about 7 AM, before the other tourists came out. Here are a few shots of our morning.....

Pictures .... from the top .......

The Victorian Inn (the floor in our room sloped and we slept with heads at the foot end of the bed

Be & B & B

Cemetary on Spanish Street

Be & Waterwheel

Artist Row

Charlotte Street

Aviles Street

Saint George Street

New Thrill Ride from China

We've gotta save some time on our China journey to experience this!

I guess this means I'll have to pack a suit......

China McBaby

Parents in the Waiting Room

We had our second meeting of the Orlando area "Future Parents of Chinese Children" last Monday and benefited from a few tidbits of info that were passed on by our guest of the week.
The meeting was held at the Mongolian BBQ in Orlando (all you can eat) and our guest was a church member who had gone on a mission trip to China to work in an orphanage. She and her husband presented a short slide and video show which included a serenade by some of the orphanage's residents. They were beautiful! I never heard anything that sounded so much like cats in heat that sounded so beautiful! The expressions of gratitude on the faces of the children were radiant.
Our speaker indicated that the orphanage they worked in had several 'closed to visitors' areas which included the dorms. She speculated that due to funding, the staff were not able to keep some areas 'up to par' with others.
Another interesting item - Don't be surprized if the orphange hands over your new child in clothing which may not appear to be the newest. The orphanage personnel realize that the children will have clothing above and beyond what the facility can provide and save the better clothing for the children who will stay behind. Even if you send new clothing to YOUR child, chances are it will be given to another.
More next month after our meeting........

Bethany Christian Services Golf Tournament - June 15 - Diamond Player's Club, Clermont, FL

Don here.........

I had the opportunity to volunteer for a charity benefit for our adoption agency this past week. Not being a golfer myself, I had a few questions when approched about working the tournament.

What kind of tournament was it? I found out that a 'scramble' does not mean that you play with different players on each hole, but refers to an event when groups of players start their game at the same time on different holes and play until they've completed the course.

OK ..... so what will I be doing? I would be monitoring the 'closest to the pin' contest on hole 14. I had watched enough golf to know what my duties would be so I set out with my co-monitor, Kyle, another volunteer, and we drove our golf cart out to our location. "So, where's our air conditioned monitor's booth?" This is the middle of June in central Florida and we're out here for the next 3+ hours and no air conditioning? Relax, Don. The first group in the scramble started at hole 13 so as soon as they play through, you can head back to the clubhouse for about 90 minutes while the other 8 gtoups play through. Cool.

So, the first group sets up to tee off and realizes that the markers are not properly spaced. They start complaining to me - like I had the answer. Well, apparently I did because I told them just to put all the markers together and everyone in the tournament would tee off from the same place. First group was fine with that, and no one else complained, and a sacred hush fell over tee 14 as the first golfer wacked the ball. The rest of the group finished and I told Kyle "This should have been a 'closest to the sandtrap' contest." We howled and waited for the next group to come through and then we headed back for our break.

Kyle drove back, and on the way I said "Kyle, tell be about that tattoo." He had a wooden cross, about 6 inches long, with a crown of thorns tattooed on his arm. Kyle said that he had just graduated high school, played football for his school and found out during his senior that he had cancer. I was floored! Here was an 18 year old who appeared perfectly healthy ---- and he was a cancer survivor! He said he wants to carry the cross for the rest of his life to remind him that Christ had already suffered the pain for him. After several surgeries, he is cancer free! I told him that my wife, Be, is also a cancer survivor and we both realized all we had to be thankful for.(Note- don't be afraid to have whatever tests it takes for early cancer detection - Be and Kyle are living examples of survivors who benefited from early detection.)

So, we get back to the clubhouse and cool off. I came across our adoption case worker, Sallie, who said she wanted to see the course but was stuck in the clubhouse until the groups finished up their play. I took this as an opportunity to chat with her about a few of my adoption issues, so I told her to hop in the cart and I'd show her around. She grabbed her camera and off we went, photographing various groups along the way. We talked about my future child and how great it will be that she'll have a full time parent as well as our unique circumstances concerning our ages. We had a fine time and as we were headed back to the clubhouse, we went up a steep slope and the cart was groaning to make it to the top. I began to sing "Climb Every Mountain" and stopped short in horror realizing ......"Here I am ..... sitting with my adoption case worker ...... on a golf course ...... I'm a guy and I'm singing show tunes!!!!!" My fears were brought to a hault when she took the song up where I left off and we finished it in two part harmony. I think we both had a bit too much sun.......

So Kyle and I went back to hole 14 and on the way we passed the biggest (largest) foursome who truly tested the structural integrity of their golf carts. Kyle asked "Are those guys supposed to be athletes?" I responded "Yeah. I think there must be a sumo wrestlers' golf tournament here today also." We howled and finished out our day at hole 14.

Sallie promised to keep the duet under wraps.....

Moved To The Top - Happy Father's Day

Moved this to the top for Father's Day........
........ I pulled this post from the archives as I believe it is important in the international adoption arena to stress the significance of the father in the mix ..... not only the adoptive father, but also the many fathers, who with their wives or mothers of their children, had to make the heartbreaking decision to give up their baby for adoption due to governmental restrictions or cultural guidelines. Yes, as a male, a prospective father, I cannot imagine being placed in such an unthinkable circumstance - it would rip my heart out. So here's to the dads who make the best decisions they can for their children, the fathers who will know the joy of adding to their families - and - the fathers who agonize over releasing their precious child to a complete stranger because they are unable to care for her....

Did you know that the USA is one of the few countries that formally recognizes and celebrates "Father's Day" as a holiday? The common Chinese word for Father or Dad is: "Baba."


HAPPY FATHER'S DAY to Dads and Dads to be!!! The origin of "Father's Day" varies slightly but ultimately the purpose was to honor Fathers or Father-figures. Some say it started with a woman in Washington state who wanted to honor her widowed father who raised her and her five other siblings since her mother died in childbirth. Another story comes from West Virginia during a dedicated church service. Like many traditions, we may never know... but this Sunday, we will honor, celebrate, and acknowledge men who are Fathers or Father-figures to children and adults. Thanks to Dads everywhere! Oftentimes in the world of adoption, it is the Mother that prepares the paperwork, researches and educates on the subject of parenthood and adoptive parenting, nests the home, and develops a bond to the idea of an adopted child. The maternal link of bonding and attachment pretenses this idea. We do know, however, that there are many Fathers in the adoption world that are very much involved in the adoption process. Step back from your adoption process and do your best to be sure that both parents are equally involved in the process. When it comes to Birth-Parents, our focus is typically on the Birth-Mother. What about the Birth-Father? What is his role? How do we talk to our children about him? What are the cultural implications of his contribution? Why is it that some adoptees don't think about their Birth-Father, but rather their Birth-Mother? As adoptive families, we should be careful not to create a huge separation between the Birth-Mother and the Birth-Father. We honor Birth-Mothers but too often forget about Birth-Fathers. They too, contributed to the LIFE of this precious child. Regardless of the circumstances around the conception or birth of these children, we must find a way to talk about Birth-Fathers. This concept plays an important role in the child's perception of gender equalities, future relationships and the child's relationship with their Adoptive Father. Please remember, what we say about our children's Birth-Parents ultimately is what we are saying about them.

Tip: Check with your employers to be sure that Adoptive Fathers are equally eligible for Adoption Leave, Paternal Leave, or FMLA. It is just as important for Babas to have ample time to bond to their new child as it is for Mamas!

Happy Father's Day!

In the Archives.........

For new visitors to our blog......

We are in a very LONG waiting "post-log-in" period where we need to exercise the virtue of patience for the next 9 months or so. Consequently, most of our posts are either comics, funny pics or informational items we find on other sites re: Adoption in China. So, for the more personal stuff, you have to go into the Archives. Here are a few posts which document the beginning of our adventure.........

August 2005 Adoption? ... Why Now?
September 2005 Immigrations Agitations & Illuminations
November 2005 2 X 4
April 2006 Let's Talk Paperwork
April 2006 Chinese Baby Ultrasound (Log In Date Announcement)

You'll also find other gems along the way ..........

Some Beautiful Scenes from China

Cut and paste the link to your address line (or click below if site reference appears as a link) and take a look at these fine pics from China. The site also includes links to other photos........

http://scenery.cnd.org/Scenery/nature2/

Chinese Ipod

Stir Fried Facts #3 - While In China......

The following is a description of the procedure for completion of the adoption in China. It is taken from our agency's web page.........

Bethany Christian Services began its China program in 1994. All adoptions from China are coordinated by the China Center for Adoption Affairs (CCAA) in Beijing. Over 100 orphanages throughout China send referrals of children available for international adoption to CCAA, who matches the child with the waiting family. Agencies are not able to influence the match. Families typically travel with other families 6-8 weeks after the referral to complete the adoption process. Bethany helps to make all travel arrangements. The stay in China is usually 12-14 days. Families have an option of first traveling to Beijing for a two-day tour of the city and the Great Wall. From Beijing, families usually fly directly to the capital of the province in which their child is located, usually staying 5-6 days to complete the adoption proceedings. From there, all families must fly to Guangzhou, In South China, for a 2-3 day stay while the U.S. Consulate processes the child's immigrant visa. Our China consultant and/or another local interpreter will guide and assist families throughout their stay in China.Our China consultant is an attorney who has been working with Bethany since the beginning of the program. She is a native of Shanghai and has previously lived in the States for over ten years. She currently resides in Shanghai.

China's Answer to the Zamboni

Chinese Street Sweeper

My 2 Favorite GIrls

Here is my favorite pic of my 2 girls - Be & Diva. I have copies of this on my locker, at my workstation, in my calendar and at my computer. It just has a lot of love in it.

Getting Support While Waiting for Placement

Lots of support is out there for those of us who are waiting for the placement of a child. This past Monday, Be and I met with a local group of about 30 couples and singles who are in the 'waiting room'. Several had just received notification of placement and were walking on the ceiling. Their trip to China would be scheduled in the next 6 weeks. The couple at our table had just started the process of adoption and was scheduled for their home study the following evening. And then ..... there were the folks just like us who were waiting to hear something ... anything ... about placement of their child.

A couple had returned from China about 6 months ago with their new daughter and spoke of some of the transitions, both on the part of the new arrival as well as by their biological daughter. After 6 months, it appeared that cultures had blended together and there was balance to their family life.

We will most probably upgrade this site allowing room for links to sites we have found useful in our journey.

Happy Mothers In Waiting Day

Sunday morning, May 14, Mother's Day, found us at Disney's Animal Kingdom. After 20 years at US Airways, I was able to get a regularly scheduled weekend day off. So we decided to take in the attraction this day because 'everyone will be celebrating with mom and crowds will be down.' ---- WRONG ---- The joint ws jumpin' with mothers of every shape, size, age and ethnicity. It was a regular mom fest at the Animal Kingdom. What drove so many of them out here so early in the morning? Are they nuts like us? Even when we got out of the truck, it started. A mother from New York was the first one to greet us as she ejected herself from the car next to us. "So, you 2 get to come out here by yourselves and I have to put up with all these kids? Happy Mother's Day!" she said as she turned around and stuck her posterior in our direction while picking up 3 packs of cigarettes she dropped. "Charming" I thought.

After waiting for a security guard (a Nazi wannabe) to give a cursory glance at the contents of Be's purse, we made it through the front entrance gate. And there they were ---- swarms of mothers ------ wearing outfits that should only be worn in the privacy of their own homes (do I REALLY need to see THAT much of her?) ----- yelling at their children, demanding the attention of everyone else coming through the gate and blocking the narrowing path because 'we have to have a family meeting'. Then, it dawned on me. When Joanna (we decided on Joanna for our China doll's name) becomes part of our family, we can become those very people! Only we can make a game out if it ----- something like "Revenge of the Tourists". It could be very entertaining to observe those around us as we stop in the middle of the walkway while pushing the stroller, blocking the path. We could walk 3 across and gawk and maybe point in different directions - and then get in an argument because "I TOLD you it was the other way."

Wait! Fantasyland is in another park! We still have to make our way through all these Griswolds and ride Expedition Everest! (pic is at the top of the page - I still haven't figured out how to upload the pictures in the middle of the text, so they're all at the top. Perhaps if I pay for the upgraded version of this blog, it will have that feature.) Great ride! We figure we'd better get it all in now, before Joanna comes as thrill rides will be few and far between for a while.

So, we left the park at about noon - they were actually GIVING out carnations to the mothers. I thought they'd want at least 7 bucks for them. On the way back, we swung by Sea World and viewed the new Shamu show "Believe". We had seen one of the rehearsals a few weeks back and wanted to see the finished product. Fine show.

Too much fun for one Mothers In Waiting Day!

Happy Mother's Day to all - even to the one on the parking lot from New York who mooned us in broad daylight.

Translation, Please?

Can't wait to ask for directions when we finally get to go to China!

Stir Fried Facts #2 - The Lifebook

What is a lifebook? 1) It is collection of memories of your child's journey into your family. 2) It is a great way to keep busy during your wait and have others be involved in the process. Why not ask friends and family members to participate by making a page in the book for your child? This way it keeps them involved in the process and helps show the child how much they were loved and anticipated! 3) It may become your child's most coveted possession... A lifebook basically is a scrapbook (photo album, journal, or collage) documenting your child's journey to your family through adoption. A lifebook can be many different things and no two are the same! It can capture your child's life prior to the adoption, include copies of adoption paperwork, journal entries from the adoptive parent(s), photos of your travel, cultural information, messages from siblings and family members, a list of "firsts," and a lot more. Every child has curiosities as to where they came from. Regardless of how the child joined your family, it's their story! A lifebook can help adopted children understand their life story and how they fit into the family.

Stir Fried Facts #1 - The Referral

Periodically, we receive info from our agency's home office regarding our adoption from China. The items may help other adoptive families so we are including some in our blog ... happy reading ... Don & Be

Q: What is a "referral" and what is the process? A: A referral is the much anticipated answer to all of our prayers. It is the matching of an orphaned child with their forever family. Once your dossier is received and LID ("logged-in") at CCAA (China Center of Adoption Affairs), it gets translated. The dossier is then placed in the holding area. When it is time, the referral is made by matching families' dossiers with children's paperwork. God's Plan for your family is already in the works! The "referral" itself is the child's information on paper. What's next? Note: Each branch may operate slightly differently in order to better serve the needs of their families. Depending on your branch office/social worker, your referral process may vary slightly from the process below. Please check with your social worker as to "what to expect." The rererral process: When a referral arrives at Bethany-International from CCAA, it is a celebration of joy! The referral typically arrives among a group of referrals for Bethany families across the U.S. whom all share the same LID (log-in date) or multiple LID's. 1. International sends an email to all the branches and social workers whose families are in this "batch of referrals." We notify them with your family name, the child's given name, gender, given date of birth, and the orphanage & province your child calls home. You then get "the call".... we hope you are ready!!! :o) 2. We review the paperwork and the referral is overnighted to your local branch office/social worker. You will then schedule a time in the next day or so to meet with your social worker to review the referral and sign the acceptance documents!!! 3. The original referral documents are yours to keep. The acceptance documents are then overnighted back to Bethany-International. 4. Once Bethany-International has received all of the families acceptance documents, they are forwarded back to CCAA. This prompts the preparation process for travel invitations and then travel. The referral presentation: When you meet with your social worker to meet your child "on paper," please bring the following: 1) The name(s) you have picked out. Your child's new given name will officially be written on the acceptance document at this time. 2) A check for $xxx.00 written to "Bethany Christian Services" for the acceptance fee (China Consultant Fee). If you are accepting a Child of Promise, this fee is reduced to $xxx. 3) A list of any significant changes that have occurred in your household since the home study has been approved. These changes may include but are not limited to; new employer, new job, decrease in annual income, criminal, health, moved to a new home, additional persons in the home, etc... your social worker will also ensure that your fingerprints will be valid for travel. *Tip: In preparation for your referral and travel, please check your I-171H for the expiration date of your fingerprints. This date is located at the bottom of your I-171H form. Fingerprints are valid for 15 months out from the date you were printed. These prints must be valid through your travel dates! With lengthening referral and travel timeframes, most families are needing to be re-fingerprinted. Please check with your social worker for specifics. The referral USUALLY consists of: 1) 1-3 original, color photos; these photos may be current or within a few months. 2) The English translation of your child's Chinese name. 3) Your child's alleged abandonment site & story (if available). 4) Your child's height, weight, and approximate date of birth. Please remember that these children are abandoned and therefore approximate dates of birth of given based on an admittance medical exam. 5) Any and all medical information & social history since the child came under orphanage care (including eating/sleeping schedules, personality, etc...). Some referrals contain less, some contain more information. Usually within a few weeks prior to travel, we receive updated measurements of the child. Not all families receive updates. Please remember that we cannot guarantee that the measurements are 100% accurate. Just like here in the U.S. when your baby is taken to the pediatrician, there are many factors that influence the measurements... two nurses can measure the same baby and come up with different measurements. Some factors that may influence discrepancies in measurements are: -The child's weight may be altered if she/he is pre or post a bowel movement. -The child's weight may be altered depending on how many layers of clothes she/he has on. -The child's height may be altered if she/he cannot lay completely still or flat for the measurement. -Different medical professional may measure slightly differently. *Tip: Have a pediatrician ready to review the referral. We do not require you to seek a medical review, but if there are questions or concerns, we do recommend having a medical consultation with a ready physician. In addition to the actual referral information, you will also receive a "clear envelope" at the time of referral. This envelope contains the documents you will hand carry to China with you for the adoption. It also contains a "Post Referral Travel Packet." In the PRTP, you will find the visa application forms that each person traveling will need to complete and send for right away. There are also some other travel tips you may enjoy. Please read this PRTP thoroughly. You may have also heard of the "brown envelope." Some families receive the "brown envelope" while others never do. There is no rhyme or reason to the randomness of the "brown envelope." The "brown envelope" is generated from the U.S. Consulate in Guangzhou, China and contains embassy documents. If you do not receive the brown envelope prior to receiving your referral, please notify your social worker. She/he will provide you with the contents, no worries :o) We hope that this information helps prepare you for your referral. For those of you awaiting the referral of your precious child... please use this opportunity to read adoption books, journal, build an adoption website, attend the education & preparation your branch offers, connect with other adoptive families, and scrapbook/lifebook your child's adoption story. Please pray for the BirthMother who has just chosen Life. We are unaware of her experiences and pray that she is safe and loved. She too, is praying that the child finds a good family to provide for all the needs that she cannot. Please pray for the children... that they may be found quickly, be cared for and loved. Imagine... around the same time that you are recieving your LID, your child may be entering the world...

From the Archives ... "Adoption? Why Now?"

Originally posted in August 2005, we moved this item to the top of the blog for new visitors who may not be able to dig down into the archives to read our story......

Don here............For the past 20 years, Be and I have had the world at our disposal with my airline job. We've climbed the volcanos and did the scuba thing in some pretty exotic locales. We essentially had our retirement early on in life. We are both fortunate for this luxury when we 'had it in us' to enjoy the benefits............I remember the day about 6 years ago ..... Be and I were standing on the pier at Daytona Beach and as we looked out over the ocean, we turned to each other and began to reflect on all we had done and what the future could possibly hold for us. We were thankful to God for His remarkable goodness to us, but the element of children had not been in the mix. The topic of adoption came up, but it was left for discussion and prayer in the future. Then it hit .............My mom died in December 2000 leaving behind my dad who never had to function independently (he relied on mom for EVERYTHING). During mom's long illness (congestive heart failure) prior to her 'graduation' to be with God, there were many flights up and down the east coast (thank the Lord for free flight benefits) to attend to her needs and to be with her just in case God called her home. After her passing, (Be and I were both with her as she walked into eternity) there were the flights up and down the east coast to ensure that dad was OK. In May of 2003, dad came to live with us, occupying the spare room on our first floor. He had trouble walking (I tell him that he has an allergy to gravity - he doesn't find it as funny as I do) since 1995 (even though he continued to drive -oy!) and as he continued to deteriorate, it was obvious he could not be left alone while Be and I were at work. ........... During his residence with us, Be's cancer was diagnosed and the mastectomy with subsequent surgeries and reconstruction left even less time for dad. He moved into Madison House Assisted Living Center about 1 mile from our house. What a gift! We can walk the dog over there to visit and we have no worries about his care. In addition, Be is cancer free and our lives began to resemble something normal....... cut to March, 2005 ...........We are on the road to Lakeland, FL (about 60 miles from Orlando) ........ we are in bumper-to-bumper traffic due to construction (it looks like the road to Baghdad Airport) .... fortunately, it's late March and the weather allowed us to roll down the windows and enjoy a cool evening for a change..... we have been basking in our freedom from the worries of the past several years ....... I'm 30 pounds fatter and Be looks like a million bucks ...... she's driving as I read to her from Max Lucado's "Come Thirsty" ..... he refers to Ephesians 1:4-5 ..... "Before the world was made, He chose us, chose us in Christ, that we should become His adopted sons and daughters through Jesus Christ......." .... the scene on the Daytona Beach pier flashed on my mind's monitor ...... I shot a look at Be ....... I think it hit her at the same time ........ and we drove and read on. We were in high gear for the Steven Curtis Chapman concert in Lakeland. We even left early to to allow for the traffic that had now come to a complete stop ("free parking on I-4") ..... but, we began to move and arrived in Lakeland about 2 hours before concert time. We sat back and had a great steak dinner (OK - Be had salad - I had steak) and parked our car in a remote area so we could escape the glut of traffic leaving the venue at the end of the event. "Casting Crowns" opened the show followed by Chris Tomlin and ending with SCC. Toward the end of the evening, SCC offered a rather lengthy video presention on adoption. It hit me. It hit Be. We were no sooner out of our seats (conviction by Lucado, Paul -of Ephesians fame- and Chapman in about a 3 hour time span) than were talking about how to begin the adoption process........ that weekend, we began the internet search on agencies......the following week, one of our best friends asked "Hey! Have y'all ever thought about adoption?" ........ "Well, as a matter of fact" .......... we decided on Bethany Christian Services (65 years experience with placing kids) and we are now in month 13 of the process. We liked their philosophy, initial presentation, encounters with the staff and overall environment of the organization.More ramblings/reflections/prayer needs/updates/parsley/sage/rosemary/thyme as the process continues ........ Thank you for making it to the end ......... God Bless ......... Don