Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Moved To The Top - Happy Father's Day


Moved this to the top for Father's Day........
........ I pulled this post from the archives as I believe it is important in the international adoption arena to stress the significance of the father in the mix ..... not only the adoptive father, but also the many fathers, who with their wives or mothers of their children, had to make the heartbreaking decision to give up their baby for adoption due to governmental restrictions or cultural guidelines. Yes, as a male, a prospective father, I cannot imagine being placed in such an unthinkable circumstance - it would rip my heart out. So here's to the dads who make the best decisions they can for their children, the fathers who will know the joy of adding to their families - and - the fathers who agonize over releasing their precious child to a complete stranger because they are unable to care for her....

Did you know that the USA is one of the few countries that formally recognizes and celebrates "Father's Day" as a holiday? The common Chinese word for Father or Dad is: "Baba."


HAPPY FATHER'S DAY to Dads and Dads to be!!! The origin of "Father's Day" varies slightly but ultimately the purpose was to honor Fathers or Father-figures. Some say it started with a woman in Washington state who wanted to honor her widowed father who raised her and her five other siblings since her mother died in childbirth. Another story comes from West Virginia during a dedicated church service. Like many traditions, we may never know... but this Sunday, we will honor, celebrate, and acknowledge men who are Fathers or Father-figures to children and adults. Thanks to Dads everywhere! Oftentimes in the world of adoption, it is the Mother that prepares the paperwork, researches and educates on the subject of parenthood and adoptive parenting, nests the home, and develops a bond to the idea of an adopted child. The maternal link of bonding and attachment pretenses this idea. We do know, however, that there are many Fathers in the adoption world that are very much involved in the adoption process. Step back from your adoption process and do your best to be sure that both parents are equally involved in the process. When it comes to Birth-Parents, our focus is typically on the Birth-Mother. What about the Birth-Father? What is his role? How do we talk to our children about him? What are the cultural implications of his contribution? Why is it that some adoptees don't think about their Birth-Father, but rather their Birth-Mother? As adoptive families, we should be careful not to create a huge separation between the Birth-Mother and the Birth-Father. We honor Birth-Mothers but too often forget about Birth-Fathers. They too, contributed to the LIFE of this precious child. Regardless of the circumstances around the conception or birth of these children, we must find a way to talk about Birth-Fathers. This concept plays an important role in the child's perception of gender equalities, future relationships and the child's relationship with their Adoptive Father. Please remember, what we say about our children's Birth-Parents ultimately is what we are saying about them.

Tip: Check with your employers to be sure that Adoptive Fathers are equally eligible for Adoption Leave, Paternal Leave, or FMLA. It is just as important for Babas to have ample time to bond to their new child as it is for Mamas!


Happy Father's Day!

10 comments:

Alyson and Ford said...

Excellent post. I must say that I too gave little thought to the Birth Father as my focus was almost totally on the Birth Mother.

Hope everything is going well for you all.

glo said...

Happy Father's day Don. Very well said!!!

4D said...

That is a great post. I always use Birth Parents. Both are important.

Keep smilin!

Unknown said...

this is a great post, glad I stopped by!

Esther said...

Great post! Well said. In adoption there is so much focus on the bio mom, and the bio father is all too often forgotten......

Mom 2 six said...

Happy Early Father's day to you Don.

Unknown said...

I remember this post..Hope you are involved in the yahoo China dads group..

This is just wonderful

insanemommy said...

Found your post through crazylady. I have family in the Orlando area too. You are not alone in the age category as first time parent's. Meet me. ha ha. First time mommy(45) to baby twin girls a year ago. They are two today. Wow. What we have gained having them in our life.

You retired, eh? So, I see transportation. Airlines? I was with the airlines for 10 years many years ago.

Nice post. Glad I found you.

Rony

crazylady said...

I just checked you out. Liked the view. Dying over your retirement post. Show stopper.
I still haven't planned anything for dh on Father's Day tomorrow.
Yikes. Better make it good enough to blog about...
p.s Baba in chinese also means 'poo poo' with another intonation. A woman must have invented that word. LOL. True.
Thanks for stopping by my chaotic life.
Senja

Jeff and Valerie said...

Great post!

Also, I was happy to see your photo of Madeleine McCann's photo on your page. I too have her posted on my blog and pray for her safe and quick return!