Immigrations Aggitations & Illuminations

Don here........

As part of our adoption process, we had to have our fingerprints electronically forwarded to Washington for a FBI investigation. I found this procedure annoying for 2 reasons: 1) I've had several of these background checks done as an airport employee at OIA and 2) How come the coke addicts and teeny boppers don't have to go through an FBI check to have a baby? Anyway, that's beside the point..........

So, we arrive at the Department of Immigrations (in a deteriorating strip mall at Hoffner & Semoran in Orlando). The Immigrations Nazi of the day hands us a clip board with a form and a pen-on-a-chain. He directs us to a seating area where we fill in the form (both of us - 2 separate forms) which could have been downloaded from the internet and filled out in advance....then I realized.......we were the only Americans in the place (except for the Nazi and a few other staff). Everyone else was trying to get into the USA and they probably could not have downloaded the form from their country of origin......so, I cut them some slack. Keep in mind that I'm thinking "MY tax dollars at work, here."

Our Nazi then directs us to the next seating area of similar plastic orange stacking chairs to wait for the Nazi with the official stamp to officially stamp our forms. We sat in the second row but did not realize that we MUST sit next to the person occupying the seat in the front row. So, we pick up our stuff and schlep on up to the front row. The guy next to us then gets called up for his official stamping......10 seconds elapse and the Nazi comes over and tells us that we have to fill in the vacant seat......and we're the only ones in the area! It reminds me of the scene from "Meet the Parents" where Ben Stiller is the only one in the boarding area and must wait for the gate agent to call his row. Maybe they got the idea for that scene from the Department of Immigrations. So, I say to Be "Do you suppose that we can get some party hats and play some cheezy music and get a game of musical chairs going here?" Be says "DON'T SAY ANYTHING !!! LET ME DO THE TALKING !!!" I clammed up. Then the Nazi sees me take a sip of water from my water bottle. "You can't have that in here!" "REALLY?? I can't have a sip of water?" "You must take it out of here immediately." I began to respond "Tiny kingdom, tiny king" but before I could get the second word out, I felt the numbing pain of Be's elbow in my side. We were called into the next waiting area where we were entertained by a video of "The Wiggles" (it was a Saturday morning and I suddenly had a mental image of me being cast in a Fellini movie) and the process was over in not too long a time.......and it left me wondering if it was worth fleeing an oppressed nation and being introduced for the first time to the freedoms of the USA in the manner I had just observed. My bewonderment was quickly refocused when I read a quote in a magazine in the waiting area from England's Prime Minister Tony Blair......."A country should be judged by the number of people trying to get in against the number of people trying to get out."

After 90 minutes, we were free to go have some Chinese food.......