Get Your TIckets Here, Folks - Tour the CCAA

Pictures from Top to Bottom:

1- Dossier storage area - agencies are said to be color coded - (Look, honey. I think I see our dossier. Yeah, that one! Down 3 shelves and a little over to the left........)

2- The DTV (Dossier Transport Vehicle) bringing documents from the storage area to the Review Room where they are scrutinized and fine tuned. (Wait! No, that can't be ours. Rumor Queen says they haven't made it that far yet. Oh well, pass the soy sauce, please).

3- The Review Room

4- The Matching Room - where prospective parents are matched up with waiting chilldren.

Stir Fried Facts #8 - Transracially Adopted Children’s Bill of Rights

The "Stir Fried Facts" items in our blog are usually informational e-mails from our agency, Bethany Christian Services. We have come to have respect and admiration for the staff and their mission to place children in good homes.

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The symbols on the header depict our daughter's name, Joanna, in Chinese.

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Transracially Adopted Children’s Bill of Rights
Adapted by Liza Steinberg Triggs from “A Bill of Rights for Mixed Folks,” by Marilyn Drame.


Every child is entitled to love and full membership in his or her family.
Every child is entitled to have his or her heritage and culture embraced and valued.
Every child is entitled to parents who value individuality and enjoy complexity.
Every child is entitled to parents who understand that this is a race conscious society.
Every child is entitled to parents who know their child will experience life in ways differently from theirs.
Every child is entitled to parents who are not seeking to “save” a child or to make the world a better place by adopting.
Every child is entitled to parents who know belonging to a family is not based on physical matching.
Every child is entitled to parents who have significant relationships with people of other races.
Every child is entitled to parents who know transracial adoption changes the family structure forever.
Every child is entitled to be accepted by his or her extended family members.
Every child is entitled to parents who know that if they are white they experience the benefits of racism because the country’s system is organized that way.
Every child is entitled to parents who know they cannot be the sole transmitter of the child’s culture when it is not their own.
Every child is entitled to grow up with items in their home environment created for and by the people of their own race or ethnicity.
Every child is entitled to have places available to make friends with people of his or her race or ethnicity.
Every child is entitled to have opportunities in his or her environment to participate in positive experiences with his or her birth culture.
Every child is entitled to opportunities to build racial pride within his or her own home, school, and neighborhood.

Don't Call Me "Mr. Mom" - What Not to Say to a Stay-at-Home Dad

I read this article on a "Stay-at-Home-Dad" site and found it amusing and informative - I hope no one takes offense to the content. It pretty much sums up how I feel - in fact, I now have some ammo, although I may use my own bizzare twist to these slightly biting responses to some rather thoughtless questions........

Don't Call Me Mr. Mom!What Not to Say to an At-Home Dad

by Buzz McClain

Men who chose to stay at home to raise the children while the mothers commute to work experience things most fathers do not. Not the least of these are the insensitive comments by people who can't comprehend the concept.
It's the price at-home dads pay for being daring and non-traditional. After all, it's not everyday you encounter an at-home dad -- then again, maybe you do and just don't realize it because they look like ordinary fathers, except they have slightly more spit-up on their shoulders -- so you can't be blamed for saying the wrong thing. Well, we're here to help.
Here are a few things that make at-home fathers cringe, according to the members of the National At-Home Dads Association, who have heard it all.


"What are you going to do when you go back to work in the real world?" Oh, how at-home dads hate this. It implies raising children isn't real and it isn't work. It is lots of both.


"Wouldn't it be better for the kids if the mother stayed at home?" No offense, but no. Studies show that working mothers are more involved in their children's lives when the father stays at home than when given over to professional day care; and because of the circumstances, the fathers are far more involved with the children than the dads who see their children only briefly after work and on weekends. The kids get two parents with strong influences.


"What do you do with all your spare time?" No matter the ages and numbers of the kids, the statement is baloney: There is no spare time. Besides seeing to the children's feeding, clothing, bedding, amusement and education, at-home dads typically assume command of household chores, from laundry to kitchen duty to lawn care. And you can't punch a clock after eight hours and go home. You ARE home.


"Who wears the pants in the family?" This implies staying at home with the children makes you less masculine; true, at-home dads are likely to wash more dishes, fold more laundry and go to the tot lot more than the father who commutes, but when mom is home dads play and watch just as much sports, ogle just as many women and perform just as many testosterone-driven activities than other fathers. And they do it with more gusto because getting out of the house means more to them.


"Oh, so you're Mr. Mom." Don't call us Mr. Mom. The kids already have a mother. At-home fathers do not replace mothers, they simply assume duties traditionally performed by them. If you must call at-home dads something, try Mr. Dad. (I prefer HOMEDADDY myself - Don's editorial comment.)


"That's a nice Mommy Wagon you drive." Ahem. It is NOT a Mommy Wagon. It's a marvelously functional all-purpose utility vehicle that just happens to have enough room to seat more than half of the Stingers Little League soccer team.


"What does your wife think about you not working?" Ordinarily a fair question, but often asked to see how the woman is handling the pressure of being the primary breadwinner. Get real: The empowerment is a heady sensation, one most women don't get to experience, and she loves it. As a bonus, she goes to the office each day knowing her baby is in good hands. Real men deal with the role change just fine, thank you.


"How can you stand to change diapers all the time?" This is likely to be asked by the "traditional man," the kind who will overhaul a greasy auto engine but can't bring himself to wipe a baby's butt. We know of one such man who, when confronted with a messy diaper, put the baby in the bathtub until the mother came home. Diapers are easy, pal. (Plum-and-sweet potato spit-up is another thing altogether.)


"Do you miss the security of having a job?" Maybe at first, but who isn't disillusioned by the general lack of loyalty companies express these days? Mergers, takeovers, layoffs, forced relocations and a slavish devotion by corporations to the bottom line are enough to rattle anyone's sense of security. An at-home dad has the job of a lifetime -- you can't be fired or transferred to a lesser position.


"What do you mean you didn't get a chance to finish the laundry?" Most often asked by frazzled wives coming home from work. Well, honey, things got really fun at the tot lot with the playgroup and we stayed a few hours longer than we expected . . .
----
Copyright © 2000, Buzz McClain.
Buzz McClain is a music critic for the Washington Post, a columnist for Rugby magazine and an at-home dad of two, Samantha and Luke.

Stir Fried Facts #7 - O.K. Now....Let's Review

We've probably ALL been through the following in some manner, shape or form with all the on-line courses and required reading in the preliminary adoption process. But lest we forget, our agency sent us the following memo......

HOW TO HELP YOUR CHILD DEVELOP A POSITIVE RACE AND ADOPTION SELF-IDENTITY

Jaclyn Piotrowski, MSW

1. Refer to birth-parent, birth-culture, and birth-country in a positive light.

2. Be cautious and sensitive when talking about the adoption with others, while your child is in ear-range.

3. Talk about or plan to visit birth-country when time is appropriate for your family.

4. Be able to provide resources to your child about their birth-country/culture, without forcing the issue.

5. Allow your child to “grieve” their loss appropriately without taking it personal. This feeling is real to adoptees, and needs to be dealt with without the child feeling guilty.

6. Have a plan in place to affiliate with other support groups, adoptive family groups, or cultural groups.

7. Celebrate your child’s “adoption day” or “coming home” day.

8. Always provide a safe and open environment for your child to approach you with questions or discussions. It is important to find a safe balance between asking them questions and allowing them to come to you when they are comfortable.

9. Have ethnic dolls, role models, and friends of your child’s race so that they grow up with pride, not unfamiliarity of their own face.

10. Have a sense of humor!

11. ALWAYS be honest with your child and share information at an ‘appropriate’ age.

12. Emphasize gifts your child received from birth parents: facial features, talents, etc., even if they are different than yours!

13. The reasons for your child being placed for adoption were due to circumstances, NOT the child, make sure he/she knows that they did nothing wrong.

14. Do not judge birth parents. Remember: What you say about the birth parents, you are saying about your child.

15. Do not allow or accept racial/prejudicial remarks, jokes or comments in your presence. If you do, you are teaching your child that it is OK that others may be doing that about them.

16. Celebrate similarities ALONG with differences. If you just emphasize similarities, you’re down-playing the obvious differences, which may make your child feel shameful.

17. Integrate Christianity and “God’s Plan” for all.

18. Emphasize and reassure your children of your permanent and unconditional love.

*Keep in mind that some adopted children generally tend to be more sensitive to circumstances of serious illness, marital discord, death, separation, moves, financial upsets, transitions, and other major family losses. You want to emphasize that no matter what, you are there for your child.

September 12 - Our 25th Anniversary - Then & Now

We Have Our Vacation Pictures......

I have posted an online photo album of pics from our stellar trip to Tennessee. We stayed in Sevierville, just outside the Great Smoky Mountains National Park and hiked just about every day. With a young 'un comin', we were trying to keep up with our exercise regimen of improving stamina and increasing energy.

http://www.kodakgallery.com/MyGallery.jsp?&UAUTOLOGIN_ID=77203329211

On some computers, you may need to cut & paste into your address line ....... others may take you directly to the site by clicking on the above address.

The photo of the old mill was taken at Cades Cove in the National Park - I did the antique treatment on Photoshop.

Stir Fried Facts #6 - Insurance for the Child of Promise

We received the following e-mail from our case worker regarding health insurance for the Child of Promise..........

Many families have questions regarding medical/health insurance coverage and the adopted child. During the formal application process, all families are asked to have their employer (HR representative or health care carrier) sign the "Affidavit of Health Insurance Coverage" form. This is your verification that your employer/health care carrier will cover the adopted child.

When considering China's children with special needs ("Children of Promise"), it would behoove families to verify with their particular health insurance carriers what is considered "pre-identified" and what exactly is (and in some cases, is not) covered.

In most cases, medical or health insurance coverage by law, begins at physical placement. The moment your child is physically placed in your arms, your health insurance begins to cover your child, whether the adoption has been finalized or not. For example, in China, if you receive your child on a Tuesday, the adoption registration and finalization is on Wednesday, and you arrive back in the U.S. the following Monday (your child becomes a U.S. citizen the moment the plane lands on U.S. soil), her/his health insurance coverage began on Monday, the day you physically received her.

If you have difficulties adding your adopted child to your health insurance coverage plan, contact your social worker. Your social worker will be able to compose a letter explaining the lawful requirements for adopted children. Most health insurance carriers are typically informed, but there may be some that are not familiar with internationally adopted children. This may be your opportunity to help educate them, which can benefit other adoptive families down the road! Other times, you may need to involve your Congress person or contact your State Insurance Commissioner. Nonetheless, what is most important is that your adopted child be treated equally to a biological child, even when it comes to health care coverage.

Please see the following articles about this topic:

http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/pdf/health_ins.pdf#search=%22Health%20Insurance%20Coverage%20for%20Adopted%20Children%22

http://www.adopting.org/adoptions/health-insurance-for-adopted-children.html

http://www.law.cornell.edu/wex/index.php/Adoption

We're Clean!!!!! - Fingerprints Sent by FBI (AGAIN) to US Consulate in Guangzhou

Wow! Am I EVER looking for progress to post on this blog! We have received word from the FBI that (once again - $70 bucks a pop ....... EACH!!!) our prints are without criminal history and the most recent update has been sent to the Consulate which will process Joanna's US Citizenship status when we bring her to the States, hopefully in March or April 2007.

Here's an interesting tid-bit. Be was selected for jury duty in Orange County, Florida this month. When she reported, she was called into the judges' chambers and informed that her SSN was matched up with a child molester in St. John's County. She told the powers-at-be that she had been through a thorough background check and was in the process of adoption from China - and even did the FBI fingerprint yaddah. After further investigation, it was revealed that the offender was dead and even of a different race. Oy!

I'll post a link to our latest vacation pictures this week ...... Cheers! Don

Fingerprints ......Done! ....... Again........

Our FBI fingerprint file expires in October, so in order to keep our adoption documents active, we needed to have them re-done. Our scheduled appointment was for 8 AM, yesterday, August 19. As we approached the Immigrations Office on schedule, we took note of the line in front of the building ...... about 50 - 60 people. We looked at each other and the expressions said "Oy! We'll be here for hours ....... and government employees!"
So the door opens to reveal a series of snake line airport type queueing ropes. We watched as applicatants took their clipboards with the pen-on-a-chain and the same form we had filled out last year and sat down on the same plastic orange stacking chairs. We received ours and sat down and filled out our form and realized that hardly any of the previous 50 or so people had moved from their seats. Then it hit us ...... ENGLISH!!!!! The form was in English! All of these people were applying for citizenship and did not yet speak the language! We promptly turned in our form and after a short review of our responses, we received positions 7 & 8 for the fingerprinting procedure.
With the exception of 1 employee who was just doin' her job, we found the staff to be accommodating and surprizingly courteous. Now, if they could just send a bit of that over to our local Driver License Office........ We were done in just under 30 minutes.
Do I hear breakfast at Cracker Barrel?

August 2005 - One Year Ago......

Surprize, surprize......Be and Don are in the 5th month of the adoption process of a child from China. We had been working on the idea for a few years, however, life's circumstances did not permit us to go forward with it until this year. The plan is that Don will retire from US Airways next year to coincide with the adoption closure. At that point, Don's new full time job will be father to whoever God sends our way. Be will continue to work at ORMC in her real job.The adoption process is quite involved with a mountain of paperwork, required reading, online courses, home studies, physical exams and blood work, FBI approval and then there's the referral and acceptance process and travel to China for up to 3 weeks to live and bond with the child.China has a model adoption program (mostly because they want to get rid of unwanted kids) and even though the process seems extreme, it's the best fit for Be and myself with our circumstances. So, we're looking at April 2007 until our new arrival comes back to Orlando with us. Your prayers during this process are much appreciated. We figure God has quite a sense of humor ........ a Chinese kid with the name Schafhauser?
As things progress, we'll keep friends and family posted with this page...........

We're Baaaccckkk.....

We took a week off and went up to the Smoky Mountains, TN. No agenda, no plans, no nothin'. We hiked (and hiked some more), did some white water rafting, saw a few shows and some friends (pic taken on their dock at Norris Lake). More shots to follow.......it was a stellar trip!

One Year Ago .......

...... we started our blog as a ledger of our adoption journey. Check out the posts for Aug & Sep 2005 for items about the beginnings of our process .....

Stir Fried Facts #5 - The Orphanage

Received this e-mail from our case worker today.......

Many families ask if they will be able to visit their child's orphanage while in China. They also inquire about visiting the reported abandonment site. An adopted child's past can be very mysterious. As adoptive parents, we try to do our best to gather information for our children. We realize that when they grow older, they may have questions about where they are from. Thinking about these issues now is a great start! Whether visiting your child's orphanage is possible or not, what is critical is that you are in their birth-country experiencing things that you can share with them later in life. You can take photos of daily life, tell your child what China looks like, smells like, and what the people are like. You can purchase things that represent China. You have also breathed the same air as their birth-parents... There are some Provinces in China that do not allow for families to visit the orphanages. In other Provinces, the decision lies with the orphanage director. Sometimes it just depends on the day. A few reasons why orphanages do not permit visitors: -Very honestly, some are embarrassed by their facilities. They may not be clean or luxurious. In the past, there have been some families that made rude comments or showed their disgust in reference to the orphanage standards. -New visitors bring new germs. -They may not have time to entertain guests. The caretakers priority is to care for the children. Oftentimes, there is a lot of preparation for visitors (cleaning, preparing foods, etc.). -They may not have the funds to entertain guests. -The orphanage may be too far away from the capital city of the Province you are staying in. -There may not be safe roads to travel to the orphanage from your hotel or the weather may not be conducive to country traveling. -When families have visited in the past, it is difficult not to pick up the babies/children in the orphanage. Although this may be temporarily satisfying for the visitors and the children momentarily, it leaves the caretakers with many screaming children after the visitors leave :o(( -Some Provinces simply do not allow for adoptive families to visit or have direct contact with the orphanage. Should you be a family that is privileged to visit your child's orphanage, there are a few things to keep in mind: -It would be appropriate (and sometimes expected) to bring additional donations or money along to the visit. Please be mindful and respectful of the cultural differences. -Keep the visit and visitors limited, you are bringing new germs into the environment. -Do NOT bring your child back to the orphanage. After they have been removed from the orphanage and their caretakers, it may be traumatic for them to return again to see their surroundings, caretakers and little friends that are left behind. This may cause regression in your child's attachment to you. It can also be very difficult for other children remaining in the orphanage to see families parading through with their little friends. One parent can stay back at the hotel with the child, while the other parent travels to the orphanage. -Take health precautions (for your sake and the children in the orphanage) before and after entering the orphanage. -Ask first before taking photos or video. If they request no photos be taken, please honor this request. Oftentimes, the children in the orphanage may not be available for adoption or may be matched with another family. We need to protect their privacy. -This may be an orphanage with a lot of money and they are hoping to "show off" their accomplishments. Be complimentary! -This may be a very poor orphanage that is opening it's doors to visitors in hopes for extra donations. Be generous! -Please remember... there are families that are behind you in the process, please do not do anything that would prevent other families from having this amazing experience too. Depending on the conditions of the orphanage or your own experience, an orphanage visit may trigger many difficult emotions for you too, as a parent. We may or may not know whether an orphanage visit will be possible before you depart the U.S. Sometimes these trips are unpredictable. Possible orphanage donations: In addition to the required $3,000 orphanage donation that is a part of the China country fee, here are some additional suggestions: U.S. cash is always preferred. With the cash, the orphanage can purchase what they need, when they need it. Some families pool their monies and go shopping with Shiyan to make purchases. Some large items that may have been purchased in China include a commercial washer & dryer, cooking appliances, cribs, formula, and medical equipment. Other smaller items that families can bring from the U.S. are: Tylenol Cold meds for babies & children, child suppositories, dried prunes, antibiotics. These can be used for your child or donated to the orphanages.

Fingerprints ..... again!

Well, it's been a year since my posting about our fingerprinting episode last year .... (see "Archives" - Immigrations Aggitations & Illuminations). So, since they expire in October (their life span is 15 months) we'd best get them re-done since this paperwork pregnancy is taking a lot longer than we had opriginally planned. Be and I have just sent in our request for the re-deux and perhaps this will serve as a reminder to our visitors to check the date of your last printing - and renew as needed. Here's the site with the info .......

http://www.uscis.gov/graphics/formsfee/index.htm

The Cockatiel With the Fur Coat

Streets of St. Augustine

Where do Orlandoans go to escape the Magic Kingdom? Many head to St Augustine. We recently overnighted at a Bed & Breakfast at "The Oldest City in America" and took to the streets of the old city at about 7 AM, before the other tourists came out. Here are a few shots of our morning.....

Pictures .... from the top .......

The Victorian Inn (the floor in our room sloped and we slept with heads at the foot end of the bed

Be & B & B

Cemetary on Spanish Street

Be & Waterwheel

Artist Row

Charlotte Street

Aviles Street

Saint George Street

New Thrill Ride from China

We've gotta save some time on our China journey to experience this!

I guess this means I'll have to pack a suit......

China McBaby

Parents in the Waiting Room

We had our second meeting of the Orlando area "Future Parents of Chinese Children" last Monday and benefited from a few tidbits of info that were passed on by our guest of the week.
The meeting was held at the Mongolian BBQ in Orlando (all you can eat) and our guest was a church member who had gone on a mission trip to China to work in an orphanage. She and her husband presented a short slide and video show which included a serenade by some of the orphanage's residents. They were beautiful! I never heard anything that sounded so much like cats in heat that sounded so beautiful! The expressions of gratitude on the faces of the children were radiant.
Our speaker indicated that the orphanage they worked in had several 'closed to visitors' areas which included the dorms. She speculated that due to funding, the staff were not able to keep some areas 'up to par' with others.
Another interesting item - Don't be surprized if the orphange hands over your new child in clothing which may not appear to be the newest. The orphanage personnel realize that the children will have clothing above and beyond what the facility can provide and save the better clothing for the children who will stay behind. Even if you send new clothing to YOUR child, chances are it will be given to another.
More next month after our meeting........

Bethany Christian Services Golf Tournament - June 15 - Diamond Player's Club, Clermont, FL

Don here.........

I had the opportunity to volunteer for a charity benefit for our adoption agency this past week. Not being a golfer myself, I had a few questions when approched about working the tournament.

What kind of tournament was it? I found out that a 'scramble' does not mean that you play with different players on each hole, but refers to an event when groups of players start their game at the same time on different holes and play until they've completed the course.

OK ..... so what will I be doing? I would be monitoring the 'closest to the pin' contest on hole 14. I had watched enough golf to know what my duties would be so I set out with my co-monitor, Kyle, another volunteer, and we drove our golf cart out to our location. "So, where's our air conditioned monitor's booth?" This is the middle of June in central Florida and we're out here for the next 3+ hours and no air conditioning? Relax, Don. The first group in the scramble started at hole 13 so as soon as they play through, you can head back to the clubhouse for about 90 minutes while the other 8 gtoups play through. Cool.

So, the first group sets up to tee off and realizes that the markers are not properly spaced. They start complaining to me - like I had the answer. Well, apparently I did because I told them just to put all the markers together and everyone in the tournament would tee off from the same place. First group was fine with that, and no one else complained, and a sacred hush fell over tee 14 as the first golfer wacked the ball. The rest of the group finished and I told Kyle "This should have been a 'closest to the sandtrap' contest." We howled and waited for the next group to come through and then we headed back for our break.

Kyle drove back, and on the way I said "Kyle, tell be about that tattoo." He had a wooden cross, about 6 inches long, with a crown of thorns tattooed on his arm. Kyle said that he had just graduated high school, played football for his school and found out during his senior that he had cancer. I was floored! Here was an 18 year old who appeared perfectly healthy ---- and he was a cancer survivor! He said he wants to carry the cross for the rest of his life to remind him that Christ had already suffered the pain for him. After several surgeries, he is cancer free! I told him that my wife, Be, is also a cancer survivor and we both realized all we had to be thankful for.(Note- don't be afraid to have whatever tests it takes for early cancer detection - Be and Kyle are living examples of survivors who benefited from early detection.)

So, we get back to the clubhouse and cool off. I came across our adoption case worker, Sallie, who said she wanted to see the course but was stuck in the clubhouse until the groups finished up their play. I took this as an opportunity to chat with her about a few of my adoption issues, so I told her to hop in the cart and I'd show her around. She grabbed her camera and off we went, photographing various groups along the way. We talked about my future child and how great it will be that she'll have a full time parent as well as our unique circumstances concerning our ages. We had a fine time and as we were headed back to the clubhouse, we went up a steep slope and the cart was groaning to make it to the top. I began to sing "Climb Every Mountain" and stopped short in horror realizing ......"Here I am ..... sitting with my adoption case worker ...... on a golf course ...... I'm a guy and I'm singing show tunes!!!!!" My fears were brought to a hault when she took the song up where I left off and we finished it in two part harmony. I think we both had a bit too much sun.......

So Kyle and I went back to hole 14 and on the way we passed the biggest (largest) foursome who truly tested the structural integrity of their golf carts. Kyle asked "Are those guys supposed to be athletes?" I responded "Yeah. I think there must be a sumo wrestlers' golf tournament here today also." We howled and finished out our day at hole 14.

Sallie promised to keep the duet under wraps.....