Get Your TIckets Here, Folks - Tour the CCAA

Pictures from Top to Bottom:

1- Dossier storage area - agencies are said to be color coded - (Look, honey. I think I see our dossier. Yeah, that one! Down 3 shelves and a little over to the left........)

2- The DTV (Dossier Transport Vehicle) bringing documents from the storage area to the Review Room where they are scrutinized and fine tuned. (Wait! No, that can't be ours. Rumor Queen says they haven't made it that far yet. Oh well, pass the soy sauce, please).

3- The Review Room

4- The Matching Room - where prospective parents are matched up with waiting chilldren.

Stir Fried Facts #8 - Transracially Adopted Children’s Bill of Rights

The "Stir Fried Facts" items in our blog are usually informational e-mails from our agency, Bethany Christian Services. We have come to have respect and admiration for the staff and their mission to place children in good homes.

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The symbols on the header depict our daughter's name, Joanna, in Chinese.

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Transracially Adopted Children’s Bill of Rights
Adapted by Liza Steinberg Triggs from “A Bill of Rights for Mixed Folks,” by Marilyn Drame.


Every child is entitled to love and full membership in his or her family.
Every child is entitled to have his or her heritage and culture embraced and valued.
Every child is entitled to parents who value individuality and enjoy complexity.
Every child is entitled to parents who understand that this is a race conscious society.
Every child is entitled to parents who know their child will experience life in ways differently from theirs.
Every child is entitled to parents who are not seeking to “save” a child or to make the world a better place by adopting.
Every child is entitled to parents who know belonging to a family is not based on physical matching.
Every child is entitled to parents who have significant relationships with people of other races.
Every child is entitled to parents who know transracial adoption changes the family structure forever.
Every child is entitled to be accepted by his or her extended family members.
Every child is entitled to parents who know that if they are white they experience the benefits of racism because the country’s system is organized that way.
Every child is entitled to parents who know they cannot be the sole transmitter of the child’s culture when it is not their own.
Every child is entitled to grow up with items in their home environment created for and by the people of their own race or ethnicity.
Every child is entitled to have places available to make friends with people of his or her race or ethnicity.
Every child is entitled to have opportunities in his or her environment to participate in positive experiences with his or her birth culture.
Every child is entitled to opportunities to build racial pride within his or her own home, school, and neighborhood.

Don't Call Me "Mr. Mom" - What Not to Say to a Stay-at-Home Dad

I read this article on a "Stay-at-Home-Dad" site and found it amusing and informative - I hope no one takes offense to the content. It pretty much sums up how I feel - in fact, I now have some ammo, although I may use my own bizzare twist to these slightly biting responses to some rather thoughtless questions........

Don't Call Me Mr. Mom!What Not to Say to an At-Home Dad

by Buzz McClain

Men who chose to stay at home to raise the children while the mothers commute to work experience things most fathers do not. Not the least of these are the insensitive comments by people who can't comprehend the concept.
It's the price at-home dads pay for being daring and non-traditional. After all, it's not everyday you encounter an at-home dad -- then again, maybe you do and just don't realize it because they look like ordinary fathers, except they have slightly more spit-up on their shoulders -- so you can't be blamed for saying the wrong thing. Well, we're here to help.
Here are a few things that make at-home fathers cringe, according to the members of the National At-Home Dads Association, who have heard it all.


"What are you going to do when you go back to work in the real world?" Oh, how at-home dads hate this. It implies raising children isn't real and it isn't work. It is lots of both.


"Wouldn't it be better for the kids if the mother stayed at home?" No offense, but no. Studies show that working mothers are more involved in their children's lives when the father stays at home than when given over to professional day care; and because of the circumstances, the fathers are far more involved with the children than the dads who see their children only briefly after work and on weekends. The kids get two parents with strong influences.


"What do you do with all your spare time?" No matter the ages and numbers of the kids, the statement is baloney: There is no spare time. Besides seeing to the children's feeding, clothing, bedding, amusement and education, at-home dads typically assume command of household chores, from laundry to kitchen duty to lawn care. And you can't punch a clock after eight hours and go home. You ARE home.


"Who wears the pants in the family?" This implies staying at home with the children makes you less masculine; true, at-home dads are likely to wash more dishes, fold more laundry and go to the tot lot more than the father who commutes, but when mom is home dads play and watch just as much sports, ogle just as many women and perform just as many testosterone-driven activities than other fathers. And they do it with more gusto because getting out of the house means more to them.


"Oh, so you're Mr. Mom." Don't call us Mr. Mom. The kids already have a mother. At-home fathers do not replace mothers, they simply assume duties traditionally performed by them. If you must call at-home dads something, try Mr. Dad. (I prefer HOMEDADDY myself - Don's editorial comment.)


"That's a nice Mommy Wagon you drive." Ahem. It is NOT a Mommy Wagon. It's a marvelously functional all-purpose utility vehicle that just happens to have enough room to seat more than half of the Stingers Little League soccer team.


"What does your wife think about you not working?" Ordinarily a fair question, but often asked to see how the woman is handling the pressure of being the primary breadwinner. Get real: The empowerment is a heady sensation, one most women don't get to experience, and she loves it. As a bonus, she goes to the office each day knowing her baby is in good hands. Real men deal with the role change just fine, thank you.


"How can you stand to change diapers all the time?" This is likely to be asked by the "traditional man," the kind who will overhaul a greasy auto engine but can't bring himself to wipe a baby's butt. We know of one such man who, when confronted with a messy diaper, put the baby in the bathtub until the mother came home. Diapers are easy, pal. (Plum-and-sweet potato spit-up is another thing altogether.)


"Do you miss the security of having a job?" Maybe at first, but who isn't disillusioned by the general lack of loyalty companies express these days? Mergers, takeovers, layoffs, forced relocations and a slavish devotion by corporations to the bottom line are enough to rattle anyone's sense of security. An at-home dad has the job of a lifetime -- you can't be fired or transferred to a lesser position.


"What do you mean you didn't get a chance to finish the laundry?" Most often asked by frazzled wives coming home from work. Well, honey, things got really fun at the tot lot with the playgroup and we stayed a few hours longer than we expected . . .
----
Copyright © 2000, Buzz McClain.
Buzz McClain is a music critic for the Washington Post, a columnist for Rugby magazine and an at-home dad of two, Samantha and Luke.

Stir Fried Facts #7 - O.K. Now....Let's Review

We've probably ALL been through the following in some manner, shape or form with all the on-line courses and required reading in the preliminary adoption process. But lest we forget, our agency sent us the following memo......

HOW TO HELP YOUR CHILD DEVELOP A POSITIVE RACE AND ADOPTION SELF-IDENTITY

Jaclyn Piotrowski, MSW

1. Refer to birth-parent, birth-culture, and birth-country in a positive light.

2. Be cautious and sensitive when talking about the adoption with others, while your child is in ear-range.

3. Talk about or plan to visit birth-country when time is appropriate for your family.

4. Be able to provide resources to your child about their birth-country/culture, without forcing the issue.

5. Allow your child to “grieve” their loss appropriately without taking it personal. This feeling is real to adoptees, and needs to be dealt with without the child feeling guilty.

6. Have a plan in place to affiliate with other support groups, adoptive family groups, or cultural groups.

7. Celebrate your child’s “adoption day” or “coming home” day.

8. Always provide a safe and open environment for your child to approach you with questions or discussions. It is important to find a safe balance between asking them questions and allowing them to come to you when they are comfortable.

9. Have ethnic dolls, role models, and friends of your child’s race so that they grow up with pride, not unfamiliarity of their own face.

10. Have a sense of humor!

11. ALWAYS be honest with your child and share information at an ‘appropriate’ age.

12. Emphasize gifts your child received from birth parents: facial features, talents, etc., even if they are different than yours!

13. The reasons for your child being placed for adoption were due to circumstances, NOT the child, make sure he/she knows that they did nothing wrong.

14. Do not judge birth parents. Remember: What you say about the birth parents, you are saying about your child.

15. Do not allow or accept racial/prejudicial remarks, jokes or comments in your presence. If you do, you are teaching your child that it is OK that others may be doing that about them.

16. Celebrate similarities ALONG with differences. If you just emphasize similarities, you’re down-playing the obvious differences, which may make your child feel shameful.

17. Integrate Christianity and “God’s Plan” for all.

18. Emphasize and reassure your children of your permanent and unconditional love.

*Keep in mind that some adopted children generally tend to be more sensitive to circumstances of serious illness, marital discord, death, separation, moves, financial upsets, transitions, and other major family losses. You want to emphasize that no matter what, you are there for your child.

September 12 - Our 25th Anniversary - Then & Now

We Have Our Vacation Pictures......

I have posted an online photo album of pics from our stellar trip to Tennessee. We stayed in Sevierville, just outside the Great Smoky Mountains National Park and hiked just about every day. With a young 'un comin', we were trying to keep up with our exercise regimen of improving stamina and increasing energy.

http://www.kodakgallery.com/MyGallery.jsp?&UAUTOLOGIN_ID=77203329211

On some computers, you may need to cut & paste into your address line ....... others may take you directly to the site by clicking on the above address.

The photo of the old mill was taken at Cades Cove in the National Park - I did the antique treatment on Photoshop.

Stir Fried Facts #6 - Insurance for the Child of Promise

We received the following e-mail from our case worker regarding health insurance for the Child of Promise..........

Many families have questions regarding medical/health insurance coverage and the adopted child. During the formal application process, all families are asked to have their employer (HR representative or health care carrier) sign the "Affidavit of Health Insurance Coverage" form. This is your verification that your employer/health care carrier will cover the adopted child.

When considering China's children with special needs ("Children of Promise"), it would behoove families to verify with their particular health insurance carriers what is considered "pre-identified" and what exactly is (and in some cases, is not) covered.

In most cases, medical or health insurance coverage by law, begins at physical placement. The moment your child is physically placed in your arms, your health insurance begins to cover your child, whether the adoption has been finalized or not. For example, in China, if you receive your child on a Tuesday, the adoption registration and finalization is on Wednesday, and you arrive back in the U.S. the following Monday (your child becomes a U.S. citizen the moment the plane lands on U.S. soil), her/his health insurance coverage began on Monday, the day you physically received her.

If you have difficulties adding your adopted child to your health insurance coverage plan, contact your social worker. Your social worker will be able to compose a letter explaining the lawful requirements for adopted children. Most health insurance carriers are typically informed, but there may be some that are not familiar with internationally adopted children. This may be your opportunity to help educate them, which can benefit other adoptive families down the road! Other times, you may need to involve your Congress person or contact your State Insurance Commissioner. Nonetheless, what is most important is that your adopted child be treated equally to a biological child, even when it comes to health care coverage.

Please see the following articles about this topic:

http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/pdf/health_ins.pdf#search=%22Health%20Insurance%20Coverage%20for%20Adopted%20Children%22

http://www.adopting.org/adoptions/health-insurance-for-adopted-children.html

http://www.law.cornell.edu/wex/index.php/Adoption

We're Clean!!!!! - Fingerprints Sent by FBI (AGAIN) to US Consulate in Guangzhou

Wow! Am I EVER looking for progress to post on this blog! We have received word from the FBI that (once again - $70 bucks a pop ....... EACH!!!) our prints are without criminal history and the most recent update has been sent to the Consulate which will process Joanna's US Citizenship status when we bring her to the States, hopefully in March or April 2007.

Here's an interesting tid-bit. Be was selected for jury duty in Orange County, Florida this month. When she reported, she was called into the judges' chambers and informed that her SSN was matched up with a child molester in St. John's County. She told the powers-at-be that she had been through a thorough background check and was in the process of adoption from China - and even did the FBI fingerprint yaddah. After further investigation, it was revealed that the offender was dead and even of a different race. Oy!

I'll post a link to our latest vacation pictures this week ...... Cheers! Don

Fingerprints ......Done! ....... Again........

Our FBI fingerprint file expires in October, so in order to keep our adoption documents active, we needed to have them re-done. Our scheduled appointment was for 8 AM, yesterday, August 19. As we approached the Immigrations Office on schedule, we took note of the line in front of the building ...... about 50 - 60 people. We looked at each other and the expressions said "Oy! We'll be here for hours ....... and government employees!"
So the door opens to reveal a series of snake line airport type queueing ropes. We watched as applicatants took their clipboards with the pen-on-a-chain and the same form we had filled out last year and sat down on the same plastic orange stacking chairs. We received ours and sat down and filled out our form and realized that hardly any of the previous 50 or so people had moved from their seats. Then it hit us ...... ENGLISH!!!!! The form was in English! All of these people were applying for citizenship and did not yet speak the language! We promptly turned in our form and after a short review of our responses, we received positions 7 & 8 for the fingerprinting procedure.
With the exception of 1 employee who was just doin' her job, we found the staff to be accommodating and surprizingly courteous. Now, if they could just send a bit of that over to our local Driver License Office........ We were done in just under 30 minutes.
Do I hear breakfast at Cracker Barrel?

August 2005 - One Year Ago......

Surprize, surprize......Be and Don are in the 5th month of the adoption process of a child from China. We had been working on the idea for a few years, however, life's circumstances did not permit us to go forward with it until this year. The plan is that Don will retire from US Airways next year to coincide with the adoption closure. At that point, Don's new full time job will be father to whoever God sends our way. Be will continue to work at ORMC in her real job.The adoption process is quite involved with a mountain of paperwork, required reading, online courses, home studies, physical exams and blood work, FBI approval and then there's the referral and acceptance process and travel to China for up to 3 weeks to live and bond with the child.China has a model adoption program (mostly because they want to get rid of unwanted kids) and even though the process seems extreme, it's the best fit for Be and myself with our circumstances. So, we're looking at April 2007 until our new arrival comes back to Orlando with us. Your prayers during this process are much appreciated. We figure God has quite a sense of humor ........ a Chinese kid with the name Schafhauser?
As things progress, we'll keep friends and family posted with this page...........

We're Baaaccckkk.....

We took a week off and went up to the Smoky Mountains, TN. No agenda, no plans, no nothin'. We hiked (and hiked some more), did some white water rafting, saw a few shows and some friends (pic taken on their dock at Norris Lake). More shots to follow.......it was a stellar trip!

One Year Ago .......

...... we started our blog as a ledger of our adoption journey. Check out the posts for Aug & Sep 2005 for items about the beginnings of our process .....

Stir Fried Facts #5 - The Orphanage

Received this e-mail from our case worker today.......

Many families ask if they will be able to visit their child's orphanage while in China. They also inquire about visiting the reported abandonment site. An adopted child's past can be very mysterious. As adoptive parents, we try to do our best to gather information for our children. We realize that when they grow older, they may have questions about where they are from. Thinking about these issues now is a great start! Whether visiting your child's orphanage is possible or not, what is critical is that you are in their birth-country experiencing things that you can share with them later in life. You can take photos of daily life, tell your child what China looks like, smells like, and what the people are like. You can purchase things that represent China. You have also breathed the same air as their birth-parents... There are some Provinces in China that do not allow for families to visit the orphanages. In other Provinces, the decision lies with the orphanage director. Sometimes it just depends on the day. A few reasons why orphanages do not permit visitors: -Very honestly, some are embarrassed by their facilities. They may not be clean or luxurious. In the past, there have been some families that made rude comments or showed their disgust in reference to the orphanage standards. -New visitors bring new germs. -They may not have time to entertain guests. The caretakers priority is to care for the children. Oftentimes, there is a lot of preparation for visitors (cleaning, preparing foods, etc.). -They may not have the funds to entertain guests. -The orphanage may be too far away from the capital city of the Province you are staying in. -There may not be safe roads to travel to the orphanage from your hotel or the weather may not be conducive to country traveling. -When families have visited in the past, it is difficult not to pick up the babies/children in the orphanage. Although this may be temporarily satisfying for the visitors and the children momentarily, it leaves the caretakers with many screaming children after the visitors leave :o(( -Some Provinces simply do not allow for adoptive families to visit or have direct contact with the orphanage. Should you be a family that is privileged to visit your child's orphanage, there are a few things to keep in mind: -It would be appropriate (and sometimes expected) to bring additional donations or money along to the visit. Please be mindful and respectful of the cultural differences. -Keep the visit and visitors limited, you are bringing new germs into the environment. -Do NOT bring your child back to the orphanage. After they have been removed from the orphanage and their caretakers, it may be traumatic for them to return again to see their surroundings, caretakers and little friends that are left behind. This may cause regression in your child's attachment to you. It can also be very difficult for other children remaining in the orphanage to see families parading through with their little friends. One parent can stay back at the hotel with the child, while the other parent travels to the orphanage. -Take health precautions (for your sake and the children in the orphanage) before and after entering the orphanage. -Ask first before taking photos or video. If they request no photos be taken, please honor this request. Oftentimes, the children in the orphanage may not be available for adoption or may be matched with another family. We need to protect their privacy. -This may be an orphanage with a lot of money and they are hoping to "show off" their accomplishments. Be complimentary! -This may be a very poor orphanage that is opening it's doors to visitors in hopes for extra donations. Be generous! -Please remember... there are families that are behind you in the process, please do not do anything that would prevent other families from having this amazing experience too. Depending on the conditions of the orphanage or your own experience, an orphanage visit may trigger many difficult emotions for you too, as a parent. We may or may not know whether an orphanage visit will be possible before you depart the U.S. Sometimes these trips are unpredictable. Possible orphanage donations: In addition to the required $3,000 orphanage donation that is a part of the China country fee, here are some additional suggestions: U.S. cash is always preferred. With the cash, the orphanage can purchase what they need, when they need it. Some families pool their monies and go shopping with Shiyan to make purchases. Some large items that may have been purchased in China include a commercial washer & dryer, cooking appliances, cribs, formula, and medical equipment. Other smaller items that families can bring from the U.S. are: Tylenol Cold meds for babies & children, child suppositories, dried prunes, antibiotics. These can be used for your child or donated to the orphanages.

Fingerprints ..... again!

Well, it's been a year since my posting about our fingerprinting episode last year .... (see "Archives" - Immigrations Aggitations & Illuminations). So, since they expire in October (their life span is 15 months) we'd best get them re-done since this paperwork pregnancy is taking a lot longer than we had opriginally planned. Be and I have just sent in our request for the re-deux and perhaps this will serve as a reminder to our visitors to check the date of your last printing - and renew as needed. Here's the site with the info .......

http://www.uscis.gov/graphics/formsfee/index.htm

The Cockatiel With the Fur Coat

Streets of St. Augustine

Where do Orlandoans go to escape the Magic Kingdom? Many head to St Augustine. We recently overnighted at a Bed & Breakfast at "The Oldest City in America" and took to the streets of the old city at about 7 AM, before the other tourists came out. Here are a few shots of our morning.....

Pictures .... from the top .......

The Victorian Inn (the floor in our room sloped and we slept with heads at the foot end of the bed

Be & B & B

Cemetary on Spanish Street

Be & Waterwheel

Artist Row

Charlotte Street

Aviles Street

Saint George Street

New Thrill Ride from China

We've gotta save some time on our China journey to experience this!

I guess this means I'll have to pack a suit......

China McBaby

Parents in the Waiting Room

We had our second meeting of the Orlando area "Future Parents of Chinese Children" last Monday and benefited from a few tidbits of info that were passed on by our guest of the week.
The meeting was held at the Mongolian BBQ in Orlando (all you can eat) and our guest was a church member who had gone on a mission trip to China to work in an orphanage. She and her husband presented a short slide and video show which included a serenade by some of the orphanage's residents. They were beautiful! I never heard anything that sounded so much like cats in heat that sounded so beautiful! The expressions of gratitude on the faces of the children were radiant.
Our speaker indicated that the orphanage they worked in had several 'closed to visitors' areas which included the dorms. She speculated that due to funding, the staff were not able to keep some areas 'up to par' with others.
Another interesting item - Don't be surprized if the orphange hands over your new child in clothing which may not appear to be the newest. The orphanage personnel realize that the children will have clothing above and beyond what the facility can provide and save the better clothing for the children who will stay behind. Even if you send new clothing to YOUR child, chances are it will be given to another.
More next month after our meeting........

Bethany Christian Services Golf Tournament - June 15 - Diamond Player's Club, Clermont, FL

Don here.........

I had the opportunity to volunteer for a charity benefit for our adoption agency this past week. Not being a golfer myself, I had a few questions when approched about working the tournament.

What kind of tournament was it? I found out that a 'scramble' does not mean that you play with different players on each hole, but refers to an event when groups of players start their game at the same time on different holes and play until they've completed the course.

OK ..... so what will I be doing? I would be monitoring the 'closest to the pin' contest on hole 14. I had watched enough golf to know what my duties would be so I set out with my co-monitor, Kyle, another volunteer, and we drove our golf cart out to our location. "So, where's our air conditioned monitor's booth?" This is the middle of June in central Florida and we're out here for the next 3+ hours and no air conditioning? Relax, Don. The first group in the scramble started at hole 13 so as soon as they play through, you can head back to the clubhouse for about 90 minutes while the other 8 gtoups play through. Cool.

So, the first group sets up to tee off and realizes that the markers are not properly spaced. They start complaining to me - like I had the answer. Well, apparently I did because I told them just to put all the markers together and everyone in the tournament would tee off from the same place. First group was fine with that, and no one else complained, and a sacred hush fell over tee 14 as the first golfer wacked the ball. The rest of the group finished and I told Kyle "This should have been a 'closest to the sandtrap' contest." We howled and waited for the next group to come through and then we headed back for our break.

Kyle drove back, and on the way I said "Kyle, tell be about that tattoo." He had a wooden cross, about 6 inches long, with a crown of thorns tattooed on his arm. Kyle said that he had just graduated high school, played football for his school and found out during his senior that he had cancer. I was floored! Here was an 18 year old who appeared perfectly healthy ---- and he was a cancer survivor! He said he wants to carry the cross for the rest of his life to remind him that Christ had already suffered the pain for him. After several surgeries, he is cancer free! I told him that my wife, Be, is also a cancer survivor and we both realized all we had to be thankful for.(Note- don't be afraid to have whatever tests it takes for early cancer detection - Be and Kyle are living examples of survivors who benefited from early detection.)

So, we get back to the clubhouse and cool off. I came across our adoption case worker, Sallie, who said she wanted to see the course but was stuck in the clubhouse until the groups finished up their play. I took this as an opportunity to chat with her about a few of my adoption issues, so I told her to hop in the cart and I'd show her around. She grabbed her camera and off we went, photographing various groups along the way. We talked about my future child and how great it will be that she'll have a full time parent as well as our unique circumstances concerning our ages. We had a fine time and as we were headed back to the clubhouse, we went up a steep slope and the cart was groaning to make it to the top. I began to sing "Climb Every Mountain" and stopped short in horror realizing ......"Here I am ..... sitting with my adoption case worker ...... on a golf course ...... I'm a guy and I'm singing show tunes!!!!!" My fears were brought to a hault when she took the song up where I left off and we finished it in two part harmony. I think we both had a bit too much sun.......

So Kyle and I went back to hole 14 and on the way we passed the biggest (largest) foursome who truly tested the structural integrity of their golf carts. Kyle asked "Are those guys supposed to be athletes?" I responded "Yeah. I think there must be a sumo wrestlers' golf tournament here today also." We howled and finished out our day at hole 14.

Sallie promised to keep the duet under wraps.....

Moved To The Top - Happy Father's Day

Moved this to the top for Father's Day........
........ I pulled this post from the archives as I believe it is important in the international adoption arena to stress the significance of the father in the mix ..... not only the adoptive father, but also the many fathers, who with their wives or mothers of their children, had to make the heartbreaking decision to give up their baby for adoption due to governmental restrictions or cultural guidelines. Yes, as a male, a prospective father, I cannot imagine being placed in such an unthinkable circumstance - it would rip my heart out. So here's to the dads who make the best decisions they can for their children, the fathers who will know the joy of adding to their families - and - the fathers who agonize over releasing their precious child to a complete stranger because they are unable to care for her....

Did you know that the USA is one of the few countries that formally recognizes and celebrates "Father's Day" as a holiday? The common Chinese word for Father or Dad is: "Baba."


HAPPY FATHER'S DAY to Dads and Dads to be!!! The origin of "Father's Day" varies slightly but ultimately the purpose was to honor Fathers or Father-figures. Some say it started with a woman in Washington state who wanted to honor her widowed father who raised her and her five other siblings since her mother died in childbirth. Another story comes from West Virginia during a dedicated church service. Like many traditions, we may never know... but this Sunday, we will honor, celebrate, and acknowledge men who are Fathers or Father-figures to children and adults. Thanks to Dads everywhere! Oftentimes in the world of adoption, it is the Mother that prepares the paperwork, researches and educates on the subject of parenthood and adoptive parenting, nests the home, and develops a bond to the idea of an adopted child. The maternal link of bonding and attachment pretenses this idea. We do know, however, that there are many Fathers in the adoption world that are very much involved in the adoption process. Step back from your adoption process and do your best to be sure that both parents are equally involved in the process. When it comes to Birth-Parents, our focus is typically on the Birth-Mother. What about the Birth-Father? What is his role? How do we talk to our children about him? What are the cultural implications of his contribution? Why is it that some adoptees don't think about their Birth-Father, but rather their Birth-Mother? As adoptive families, we should be careful not to create a huge separation between the Birth-Mother and the Birth-Father. We honor Birth-Mothers but too often forget about Birth-Fathers. They too, contributed to the LIFE of this precious child. Regardless of the circumstances around the conception or birth of these children, we must find a way to talk about Birth-Fathers. This concept plays an important role in the child's perception of gender equalities, future relationships and the child's relationship with their Adoptive Father. Please remember, what we say about our children's Birth-Parents ultimately is what we are saying about them.

Tip: Check with your employers to be sure that Adoptive Fathers are equally eligible for Adoption Leave, Paternal Leave, or FMLA. It is just as important for Babas to have ample time to bond to their new child as it is for Mamas!

Happy Father's Day!

In the Archives.........

For new visitors to our blog......

We are in a very LONG waiting "post-log-in" period where we need to exercise the virtue of patience for the next 9 months or so. Consequently, most of our posts are either comics, funny pics or informational items we find on other sites re: Adoption in China. So, for the more personal stuff, you have to go into the Archives. Here are a few posts which document the beginning of our adventure.........

August 2005 Adoption? ... Why Now?
September 2005 Immigrations Agitations & Illuminations
November 2005 2 X 4
April 2006 Let's Talk Paperwork
April 2006 Chinese Baby Ultrasound (Log In Date Announcement)

You'll also find other gems along the way ..........

Some Beautiful Scenes from China

Cut and paste the link to your address line (or click below if site reference appears as a link) and take a look at these fine pics from China. The site also includes links to other photos........

http://scenery.cnd.org/Scenery/nature2/

Chinese Ipod

Stir Fried Facts #3 - While In China......

The following is a description of the procedure for completion of the adoption in China. It is taken from our agency's web page.........

Bethany Christian Services began its China program in 1994. All adoptions from China are coordinated by the China Center for Adoption Affairs (CCAA) in Beijing. Over 100 orphanages throughout China send referrals of children available for international adoption to CCAA, who matches the child with the waiting family. Agencies are not able to influence the match. Families typically travel with other families 6-8 weeks after the referral to complete the adoption process. Bethany helps to make all travel arrangements. The stay in China is usually 12-14 days. Families have an option of first traveling to Beijing for a two-day tour of the city and the Great Wall. From Beijing, families usually fly directly to the capital of the province in which their child is located, usually staying 5-6 days to complete the adoption proceedings. From there, all families must fly to Guangzhou, In South China, for a 2-3 day stay while the U.S. Consulate processes the child's immigrant visa. Our China consultant and/or another local interpreter will guide and assist families throughout their stay in China.Our China consultant is an attorney who has been working with Bethany since the beginning of the program. She is a native of Shanghai and has previously lived in the States for over ten years. She currently resides in Shanghai.

China's Answer to the Zamboni

Chinese Street Sweeper

My 2 Favorite GIrls

Here is my favorite pic of my 2 girls - Be & Diva. I have copies of this on my locker, at my workstation, in my calendar and at my computer. It just has a lot of love in it.

Getting Support While Waiting for Placement

Lots of support is out there for those of us who are waiting for the placement of a child. This past Monday, Be and I met with a local group of about 30 couples and singles who are in the 'waiting room'. Several had just received notification of placement and were walking on the ceiling. Their trip to China would be scheduled in the next 6 weeks. The couple at our table had just started the process of adoption and was scheduled for their home study the following evening. And then ..... there were the folks just like us who were waiting to hear something ... anything ... about placement of their child.

A couple had returned from China about 6 months ago with their new daughter and spoke of some of the transitions, both on the part of the new arrival as well as by their biological daughter. After 6 months, it appeared that cultures had blended together and there was balance to their family life.

We will most probably upgrade this site allowing room for links to sites we have found useful in our journey.

Happy Mothers In Waiting Day

Sunday morning, May 14, Mother's Day, found us at Disney's Animal Kingdom. After 20 years at US Airways, I was able to get a regularly scheduled weekend day off. So we decided to take in the attraction this day because 'everyone will be celebrating with mom and crowds will be down.' ---- WRONG ---- The joint ws jumpin' with mothers of every shape, size, age and ethnicity. It was a regular mom fest at the Animal Kingdom. What drove so many of them out here so early in the morning? Are they nuts like us? Even when we got out of the truck, it started. A mother from New York was the first one to greet us as she ejected herself from the car next to us. "So, you 2 get to come out here by yourselves and I have to put up with all these kids? Happy Mother's Day!" she said as she turned around and stuck her posterior in our direction while picking up 3 packs of cigarettes she dropped. "Charming" I thought.

After waiting for a security guard (a Nazi wannabe) to give a cursory glance at the contents of Be's purse, we made it through the front entrance gate. And there they were ---- swarms of mothers ------ wearing outfits that should only be worn in the privacy of their own homes (do I REALLY need to see THAT much of her?) ----- yelling at their children, demanding the attention of everyone else coming through the gate and blocking the narrowing path because 'we have to have a family meeting'. Then, it dawned on me. When Joanna (we decided on Joanna for our China doll's name) becomes part of our family, we can become those very people! Only we can make a game out if it ----- something like "Revenge of the Tourists". It could be very entertaining to observe those around us as we stop in the middle of the walkway while pushing the stroller, blocking the path. We could walk 3 across and gawk and maybe point in different directions - and then get in an argument because "I TOLD you it was the other way."

Wait! Fantasyland is in another park! We still have to make our way through all these Griswolds and ride Expedition Everest! (pic is at the top of the page - I still haven't figured out how to upload the pictures in the middle of the text, so they're all at the top. Perhaps if I pay for the upgraded version of this blog, it will have that feature.) Great ride! We figure we'd better get it all in now, before Joanna comes as thrill rides will be few and far between for a while.

So, we left the park at about noon - they were actually GIVING out carnations to the mothers. I thought they'd want at least 7 bucks for them. On the way back, we swung by Sea World and viewed the new Shamu show "Believe". We had seen one of the rehearsals a few weeks back and wanted to see the finished product. Fine show.

Too much fun for one Mothers In Waiting Day!

Happy Mother's Day to all - even to the one on the parking lot from New York who mooned us in broad daylight.

Translation, Please?

Can't wait to ask for directions when we finally get to go to China!

Stir Fried Facts #2 - The Lifebook

What is a lifebook? 1) It is collection of memories of your child's journey into your family. 2) It is a great way to keep busy during your wait and have others be involved in the process. Why not ask friends and family members to participate by making a page in the book for your child? This way it keeps them involved in the process and helps show the child how much they were loved and anticipated! 3) It may become your child's most coveted possession... A lifebook basically is a scrapbook (photo album, journal, or collage) documenting your child's journey to your family through adoption. A lifebook can be many different things and no two are the same! It can capture your child's life prior to the adoption, include copies of adoption paperwork, journal entries from the adoptive parent(s), photos of your travel, cultural information, messages from siblings and family members, a list of "firsts," and a lot more. Every child has curiosities as to where they came from. Regardless of how the child joined your family, it's their story! A lifebook can help adopted children understand their life story and how they fit into the family.

Stir Fried Facts #1 - The Referral

Periodically, we receive info from our agency's home office regarding our adoption from China. The items may help other adoptive families so we are including some in our blog ... happy reading ... Don & Be

Q: What is a "referral" and what is the process? A: A referral is the much anticipated answer to all of our prayers. It is the matching of an orphaned child with their forever family. Once your dossier is received and LID ("logged-in") at CCAA (China Center of Adoption Affairs), it gets translated. The dossier is then placed in the holding area. When it is time, the referral is made by matching families' dossiers with children's paperwork. God's Plan for your family is already in the works! The "referral" itself is the child's information on paper. What's next? Note: Each branch may operate slightly differently in order to better serve the needs of their families. Depending on your branch office/social worker, your referral process may vary slightly from the process below. Please check with your social worker as to "what to expect." The rererral process: When a referral arrives at Bethany-International from CCAA, it is a celebration of joy! The referral typically arrives among a group of referrals for Bethany families across the U.S. whom all share the same LID (log-in date) or multiple LID's. 1. International sends an email to all the branches and social workers whose families are in this "batch of referrals." We notify them with your family name, the child's given name, gender, given date of birth, and the orphanage & province your child calls home. You then get "the call".... we hope you are ready!!! :o) 2. We review the paperwork and the referral is overnighted to your local branch office/social worker. You will then schedule a time in the next day or so to meet with your social worker to review the referral and sign the acceptance documents!!! 3. The original referral documents are yours to keep. The acceptance documents are then overnighted back to Bethany-International. 4. Once Bethany-International has received all of the families acceptance documents, they are forwarded back to CCAA. This prompts the preparation process for travel invitations and then travel. The referral presentation: When you meet with your social worker to meet your child "on paper," please bring the following: 1) The name(s) you have picked out. Your child's new given name will officially be written on the acceptance document at this time. 2) A check for $xxx.00 written to "Bethany Christian Services" for the acceptance fee (China Consultant Fee). If you are accepting a Child of Promise, this fee is reduced to $xxx. 3) A list of any significant changes that have occurred in your household since the home study has been approved. These changes may include but are not limited to; new employer, new job, decrease in annual income, criminal, health, moved to a new home, additional persons in the home, etc... your social worker will also ensure that your fingerprints will be valid for travel. *Tip: In preparation for your referral and travel, please check your I-171H for the expiration date of your fingerprints. This date is located at the bottom of your I-171H form. Fingerprints are valid for 15 months out from the date you were printed. These prints must be valid through your travel dates! With lengthening referral and travel timeframes, most families are needing to be re-fingerprinted. Please check with your social worker for specifics. The referral USUALLY consists of: 1) 1-3 original, color photos; these photos may be current or within a few months. 2) The English translation of your child's Chinese name. 3) Your child's alleged abandonment site & story (if available). 4) Your child's height, weight, and approximate date of birth. Please remember that these children are abandoned and therefore approximate dates of birth of given based on an admittance medical exam. 5) Any and all medical information & social history since the child came under orphanage care (including eating/sleeping schedules, personality, etc...). Some referrals contain less, some contain more information. Usually within a few weeks prior to travel, we receive updated measurements of the child. Not all families receive updates. Please remember that we cannot guarantee that the measurements are 100% accurate. Just like here in the U.S. when your baby is taken to the pediatrician, there are many factors that influence the measurements... two nurses can measure the same baby and come up with different measurements. Some factors that may influence discrepancies in measurements are: -The child's weight may be altered if she/he is pre or post a bowel movement. -The child's weight may be altered depending on how many layers of clothes she/he has on. -The child's height may be altered if she/he cannot lay completely still or flat for the measurement. -Different medical professional may measure slightly differently. *Tip: Have a pediatrician ready to review the referral. We do not require you to seek a medical review, but if there are questions or concerns, we do recommend having a medical consultation with a ready physician. In addition to the actual referral information, you will also receive a "clear envelope" at the time of referral. This envelope contains the documents you will hand carry to China with you for the adoption. It also contains a "Post Referral Travel Packet." In the PRTP, you will find the visa application forms that each person traveling will need to complete and send for right away. There are also some other travel tips you may enjoy. Please read this PRTP thoroughly. You may have also heard of the "brown envelope." Some families receive the "brown envelope" while others never do. There is no rhyme or reason to the randomness of the "brown envelope." The "brown envelope" is generated from the U.S. Consulate in Guangzhou, China and contains embassy documents. If you do not receive the brown envelope prior to receiving your referral, please notify your social worker. She/he will provide you with the contents, no worries :o) We hope that this information helps prepare you for your referral. For those of you awaiting the referral of your precious child... please use this opportunity to read adoption books, journal, build an adoption website, attend the education & preparation your branch offers, connect with other adoptive families, and scrapbook/lifebook your child's adoption story. Please pray for the BirthMother who has just chosen Life. We are unaware of her experiences and pray that she is safe and loved. She too, is praying that the child finds a good family to provide for all the needs that she cannot. Please pray for the children... that they may be found quickly, be cared for and loved. Imagine... around the same time that you are recieving your LID, your child may be entering the world...

From the Archives ... "Adoption? Why Now?"

Originally posted in August 2005, we moved this item to the top of the blog for new visitors who may not be able to dig down into the archives to read our story......

Don here............For the past 20 years, Be and I have had the world at our disposal with my airline job. We've climbed the volcanos and did the scuba thing in some pretty exotic locales. We essentially had our retirement early on in life. We are both fortunate for this luxury when we 'had it in us' to enjoy the benefits............I remember the day about 6 years ago ..... Be and I were standing on the pier at Daytona Beach and as we looked out over the ocean, we turned to each other and began to reflect on all we had done and what the future could possibly hold for us. We were thankful to God for His remarkable goodness to us, but the element of children had not been in the mix. The topic of adoption came up, but it was left for discussion and prayer in the future. Then it hit .............My mom died in December 2000 leaving behind my dad who never had to function independently (he relied on mom for EVERYTHING). During mom's long illness (congestive heart failure) prior to her 'graduation' to be with God, there were many flights up and down the east coast (thank the Lord for free flight benefits) to attend to her needs and to be with her just in case God called her home. After her passing, (Be and I were both with her as she walked into eternity) there were the flights up and down the east coast to ensure that dad was OK. In May of 2003, dad came to live with us, occupying the spare room on our first floor. He had trouble walking (I tell him that he has an allergy to gravity - he doesn't find it as funny as I do) since 1995 (even though he continued to drive -oy!) and as he continued to deteriorate, it was obvious he could not be left alone while Be and I were at work. ........... During his residence with us, Be's cancer was diagnosed and the mastectomy with subsequent surgeries and reconstruction left even less time for dad. He moved into Madison House Assisted Living Center about 1 mile from our house. What a gift! We can walk the dog over there to visit and we have no worries about his care. In addition, Be is cancer free and our lives began to resemble something normal....... cut to March, 2005 ...........We are on the road to Lakeland, FL (about 60 miles from Orlando) ........ we are in bumper-to-bumper traffic due to construction (it looks like the road to Baghdad Airport) .... fortunately, it's late March and the weather allowed us to roll down the windows and enjoy a cool evening for a change..... we have been basking in our freedom from the worries of the past several years ....... I'm 30 pounds fatter and Be looks like a million bucks ...... she's driving as I read to her from Max Lucado's "Come Thirsty" ..... he refers to Ephesians 1:4-5 ..... "Before the world was made, He chose us, chose us in Christ, that we should become His adopted sons and daughters through Jesus Christ......." .... the scene on the Daytona Beach pier flashed on my mind's monitor ...... I shot a look at Be ....... I think it hit her at the same time ........ and we drove and read on. We were in high gear for the Steven Curtis Chapman concert in Lakeland. We even left early to to allow for the traffic that had now come to a complete stop ("free parking on I-4") ..... but, we began to move and arrived in Lakeland about 2 hours before concert time. We sat back and had a great steak dinner (OK - Be had salad - I had steak) and parked our car in a remote area so we could escape the glut of traffic leaving the venue at the end of the event. "Casting Crowns" opened the show followed by Chris Tomlin and ending with SCC. Toward the end of the evening, SCC offered a rather lengthy video presention on adoption. It hit me. It hit Be. We were no sooner out of our seats (conviction by Lucado, Paul -of Ephesians fame- and Chapman in about a 3 hour time span) than were talking about how to begin the adoption process........ that weekend, we began the internet search on agencies......the following week, one of our best friends asked "Hey! Have y'all ever thought about adoption?" ........ "Well, as a matter of fact" .......... we decided on Bethany Christian Services (65 years experience with placing kids) and we are now in month 13 of the process. We liked their philosophy, initial presentation, encounters with the staff and overall environment of the organization.More ramblings/reflections/prayer needs/updates/parsley/sage/rosemary/thyme as the process continues ........ Thank you for making it to the end ......... God Bless ......... Don

China's Lost Girls

Many adoptive families are in search of tools to help educate their extended families, co-workers, churches, children, etc. about a China adoption. The link (which can be cut & pasted into your browser) will connect you to the National Geographic webpage featuring a DVD called "China's Lost Girls." The DVD is approximately 45 minutes long and provides a brief overview of the history of the "one child policy" and focuses on the journey of a China international adoption. It is also available from Netflix and the Orange County Library. The DVD is hosted by Lisa Ling. Enjoy!

http://shop.nationalgeographic.com/jump.jsp?itemType=PRODUCT&itemID=1906&iSubCat=159&iMainCat=104&pid=1906

Be and I watched this DVD several nights ago and found it balanced and informative. It gave us an idea as to what to expect when we pick up little Joanna. I (Don) was a bit disturbed at the manner of presentation of the child to the adoptive parents. Apparently, all those adopting are put in one room where the children are paraded in with orphanage workers and given over to the parents in the group. The room was filled with confusion and took on an almost circuslike character. The poor kids appeared terrified for the most part. I would have preferred a more private first encounter with the child. Hopefully, this was for the benefit of playing it up for the camera and production team filming the event for the purpose of 'good TV.'

Visa Info Received from The American Consulate In Guangzhou, China

Today, we received "The Big Brown Envelope" from the American Consulate General in Guangzhou, China. It's no real big deal, but I'm short on postings during this long waiting period, so ANYTHING is something. Essentially, it is confirmation that the Chinese acknowledge that the US government has approved our intention to adopt an orphan overseas. It also contains all of the yaddah related to securing a visa. The Consulate has created a separate department which places a high priority on adoption cases due to the number of orphans (about 6,000 a year) leaving China for the US. So, now we have another small pile of paperwork to be stamped, notarized, signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours. Then WE bring the package with us to China when we are placed with our child. I'll try to keep this blog as interesting as possible, but I'm really pushing it with this posting.........

Let's Talk Paperwork

The following is a rundown of the amount of documentation (and $$$$$ - Don's dad, Albert, has donated $10,000 to the adoption process - we are most grateful) that went into the first stage of our adoption journey. I found it while surfing.........


The Adoption Homestudy
By Roberta Rosenberg
Put your fear aside and warm up your photocopier.. you're in for an interesting, sometimes frustrating ride.
Some people call it hell. (Perhaps that's an exaggeration. Perhaps not.) But you're now in the thick of the adoption process. With a little work, persistence, and a sense of humor, this can actually be a time of thoughtful exploration between you and your spouse, if married, and your desires and expectations as adoptive parents.
What is an Adoption Homestudy Anyway?
So you've selected your agency. You've filled out the initial application and paid the initial fee. At this point, you'll most likely have had your first post-introductory interview. Now the real work begins.
To adopt internationally, you must have an approved homestudy. Your agency will assign a social worker to you who will work with you during the process. The homestudy consists of gathering specific documents (see below)... interviews with you, your spouse, and any children living in the home... in-person or telephone interviews with your references... and a home visit or two.
The long and short of it? Your social worker, working on behalf of your agency and the children it represents, wants to know only one thing -- are you going to be good, capable parents? The good news is that most of us do pass the ultimate test. So hang in there and pace yourselves.
Let's talk PAPERWORK!
During your initial interview with the agency or at your first meeting with your social workers, you'll also receive a large, hefty packet of forms that need to be filled out: personal and financial information disclosures, fingerprint cards, INS forms, and lots more. Don't be alarmed. You can do it.
Your Documentation List
Every state has different document requirements so your actual list may look different than the one below. You may need originals or certified copies rather than simple photocopies. The number of copies per document required may also vary. But, for the most part, it will look something like this:
PERSONAL INFORMATION
Adoption decree(s) on children already living in the home
Birth certificates for spouses and children already living in the home
Marriage license
Divorce decree(s), if applicable
FINANCIAL INFORMATION
Employment verification by letter and/or current paystub
Income verification, usually W2s or income tax forms
Proof of life insurance
Proof of health insurance
Statement of current assets, including savings accounts, money market funds, mutual funds, stocks, etc.
Proof of mortgage or rent payment
Proof of good health, usually a medical exam is required
MISCELLANEOUS
State-mandated fingerprint clearances
Written approval of public health inspection
Written approval of fire safety inspection
Photos of the couple, any children, and front of the home
Copy of previous homestudy, if applicable
Written personal references
FORMS YOU MAY RECEIVE AT YOUR FIRST POST-APPLICATION MEETING
State-Mandated Criminal Clearances
Police Clearance
Child Abuse Clearance
Motor Vehicle Driving Records
Many of these forms will require signature verification by a notary public. Your bank can usually provide this service at no charge to its customers. (You're going to get to know the notary really well!)
Are we having fun yet? Wait! There's more...
Meet the INS I-600A Form
At your initial meeting you're also most likely going to receive several forms required by the Immigration and Naturalization Service (INS). One is a blue I-600. Don't worry about that one right now. The other is far more important at this stage in the process:
I-600A - Application for Advance Processing of Orphan Petition
This salmon-colored form gets the ball rolling well in advance of completing your homestudy and receiving an assignment of a child. Decide on who will be the "Prospective Petitioner" and continue to use the same person on all INS documents. Can be husband or wife.
Want to save time? You can now download the I600A and I600 forms right from the INS website. No fuss, no muss, no waiting! (Roberta's note: some INS offices have been kicking back perfectly fine forms because they were printed on white paper. Save yourself a hassle - make sure you print the I600A on salmon pink paper and the I600 on light blue paper.)
Here are the documents you'll need to accompany your I-600A application:
Two sets of fingerprints from each prospective adoptive parent and any adults over age 18 living in the household. See below for complete info.
Proof of US citizenship of the Prospective Petitioner (I'd include a copy of the spouse's information, too) -- birth certificate, naturalization certificate or valid US passport. Photocopies okay.
A marriage certificate. (Photocopy okay.)
Divorce decree or death certificate if previously married (Photocopies okay.)
Certified check (plus fingerprinting fees for each adult over 18 living in the household), payable to the Immigration and Naturalization Service.



HINT : Rules change constantly. Always check with your agency regarding the latest INS and other governmental information.
HINT: Send your completed application by traceable means, certified mail with return receipt requested, UPS or Fed-Ex. I like the two latter choices because you can track their arrival dates yourself online.
HINT: Get this form and its attachments completed without delay. It takes 60-90 days for this application to process without any problems. Imagine how long it takes when you run into a snag. Get it done now and save yourself a lot of headaches.
INS Fingerprint Rules Get the latest information directly from the INS site. Read carefully and speak with your agency for any clarification. You will need Special Instructions for Form I-600 "Immigrant Petition for Orphan (Adoption)" and Form I-600A "Advance Processing; Immigrant Petition for Orphan (Adoption)."
INS now accepts walk-in traffic, but... each office is going to have its own rules about when and how. Call ahead (or ask your agency) the best days and times to go to your regional INS office for fingerprinting and in-person I600A application processing. Remember to bring a certified check or money order with you for the full fees amount, application and fingerprinting.
Exception: Applicants and petitioners residing abroad who are fingerprinted at a United States consular or military installation abroad do not need to be fingerprinted by the INS and are exempt from the $75 fingerprint fee. These applicants and petitioners must file their completed card at the time their application or petition is filed.
The Homestudy Interviews
Your state and/or agency may have different requirements, but we had one joint interview, one individual interview each, and one home visit with our social worker. I found it to be a somewhat lengthy, but interesting experience. (If you like to talk about yourself, you'll probably have an easier time than someone who tends to be uncomfortable talking about personal matters.)
Generally, you'll be asked about your childhood, your relationship -- past and present -- with parents and siblings, your school days, and previous marriages (if any). You'll be asked about the health and status of your current marriage, your attitudes about parenting, and corporal punishment.
You'll also be asked about the kind of child you're willing to consider. Are you open to either boy or girl? Some agencies prefer you not have a choice, especially since the majority of families looking to adopt internationally prefer girls. Will you consider a baby born before 38 weeks gestation and/or low birth weight? What is your preferable age range? Will you consider a child with physical, emotional or developmental special needs? If so, what can you comfortably handle, what not?
Having preferences doesn't make you a bad person. Your agency wants you to be upfront and honest with them. But the more flexible you are, the faster you're more likely get a referral.
Writing Your Autobiographies
Scared yet? In keeping with the tone of your initial interviews, here's your chance to really express yourselves on a lot of personal topics. Your social worker will probably give you an outline to follow. Our outline read something like this:
Your Birthfamily
Describe your parents, siblings, and your childhood home. Your parents as a couple? Areas of agreement and disagreement? Ways your parenting style is/isn't similar to your own parents?
Growing Up
Describe your feelings about school life, favorite subjects, friends, etc. Teen issues? Religious orientation? Dating?
Courtship & Marriage
Describe how you and your spouse met, courted and married. Relationships with inlaws? Mutual interests? Areas of strength and disagreement? (Reasons why previous marriage(s) didn't succeed?)
Children
If you have them: describe your children, their personalities, and their feelings about adopting a sibling.
If you don't: describe your experiences with children
For both: what is your philosophy about childrearing, discipline, and punishment.
Adoption
Describe your reasons for adopting. How will the child fit into your family? Childcare issues? Cultural issues and concerns?
Employment
Describe your job. How do you feel about your work? Satisfactions and annoyances?
Community
Describe your house and your community. Describe your community involvements.
General
Strongest influences in your life? Greatest disappointments and achievements?
Don't like to write? Get over it. Besides, you won't be judged on how you write, just what you have to say. My husband's was five typed pages. Mine was 10.
I'd say that if you can truthfully say what needs to be said in 3-5 pages, you'll be fine. Worse comes to worse? Dictate it into a tape recorder and have someone transcribe it for you later.
Choosing Your Personal References
So who is going to say, in print and in person, how wonderful you are, singly and together? For the most part, those you ask will be incredibly honored.
But do start thinking about it now. Your social worker will ask for a few references for each of you. (Generally a family member isn't eligible for this honor.) Have a few good friends who've known you a long time? Good. Your priest/rabbi/pastor is also a good choice.
Try to include at least one reference who knows you as a couple. And if you already have children, you might ask if one of their teachers might offer a reference, as well. (My husband and I did this. My feeling was the best way to gauge our effectiveness as parents was to ask someone who has gotten to know our child well for many years.)
All the references you choose will be asked for a written reference. One or two of these references may be called for a more in-depth interview, or your social worker may want to meet a reference in person. So think about who'd be willing to go that extra mile.
Here are some of my personal recommendations for the homestudy process:




HINT: Be honest! A lot of information will be unearthed in your background checks, so make sure you're forthcoming about anything in your background that could seem even remotely dicey or problematic.
HINT: This isn't therapy. So be candid while keeping your written and spoken remarks ontrack with your goal of showing yourselves to be capable, loving parents. Also, too, if you have children in the home, your social worker will want to speak with them. It's a good idea to start talking with your children about adoption prior to the social worker's visit.
HINT: Don't kill yourselves cleaning for the home visit. What your social worker wants to see is a safe, relatively clean home with enough room to accommodate a child. You don't have to have the baby's room ready either. (And no one is going to look in your closets or white glove the top of your refrigerator.)
HINT: Your social worker wants to approve you! So give her/him what s/he needs on a timely basis. Get the documents in quickly. Get what needs to be notarized, notarized, etc. Make appointments and keep them. Sit down and get those autobiographies written.
Once your homestudy is approved, your agency will forward it to the INS to be included with your I-600A application. Upon completion of its review, the INS will then send you a notice stating your I-600A application has been approved. You can then fax or mail a copy of it to your agency to be added to your file. You keep the original.
Homestudy times vary widely. They can take as little as 30 days or as long as six months (our homestudy took three months from start to finish.) Remember, it's up to you to keep things moving along.
© 2001 R. Rosenberg. All rights reserved worldwide.

Warming Up to New Parents

Pic

Chinese Baby Ultrasound

In adoption circles, you will probably be asked "When was your 'log-in' date?" It's an important date because wait times for China are now lasting 9 - 10 months from log-in. We were informed by our case worker that our log-in date was March 24 - so we are now officially pregnant. Don is showing more than Be and we are both relieved that the first trail of paperwork is over. We are thankful that our adoption agency, Bethany Christian Services, has a fine working relationship with the Chinese Adoption Office and we look forward to our encounters with them throughout this next phase. Thank you for following us in this journey.

So......What Do You Do When You're Waiting For A Referral????

It'll be many months now until we hear word about the referral of our child. We still have not been informed that our dossier was logged in at the China Center for Adoption. It was sent on March 8, so hopefully we'll know soon. In the meantime, what does one do when waiting for the referral?

We joined a group of Central Florida Parents of Children from China. Our first event with the group was a Chinese New Year's Celebration at the Crazy Buffet in Altamonte Springs. The place was swarming with little Chinese girls and we met some families who have gone through the adoption process. One family lives in our area and they have just returned with their second daughter from China. They published a blog site and we followed them every step of the way, even while they were in China for the required 2 week period. It was encouraging to live through the process with them.

We rented an old film starring Ingrid Bergman called 'The Inn of the Sixth Happiness".

Based on the true story of Gladys Aylward, a British maid who became a missionary in China. As the hostile Chinese begin to trust her -- and even a powerful mandarin converts to Christianity -- there is one more difficult task for her to accomplish: to guide 100 children through enemy territory and into safety during the Chinese-Japanese war.
Filmed in 1958, it reminded me of "The Sound of Music" - only in China ---- and with unusual music.

We also went to a few 'date movies' - "8 Below", "The Shaggy Dog", and "Chicken Little" just to rehearse for the real thing when it happens. Maybe we should take a few kids with us next time.

We'll post the dossier 'log in' as soon as we have word. Then, we are told, the average wait is 9 - 10 months. Thanks for keeping up with us on our journey.

Slow Boat to China

Not many posts lately, eh? That's because were now in the LONG waiting period of getting a referral - but first, the dossier has to be logged in China. The good news is - it's on it's way!!!!!! ....and hopefully not on the proverbial "slow boat".
Our social worker called today to tell us the latest news. We're encouraged.......

Still Waiting ...... and really getting silly.......

A little turtle begins to climb a tree slowly.
After long hours of effort, he reaches the top branches of the tree.
He jumps into the air waving his front legs, until he crashes heavily into the ground with a hard knock on his shell.
After recovering his consciousness, he starts to climb the tree again, jumps again, and knocks the ground heavily again.
The little turtle persisted again and again while a couple of birds sitting at the edge of a branch, watched the turtle with pain.
Suddenly the female bird says to the male, "Dear, I think it's time to tell our little turtle he is adopted."

Adoption is Patience

Adoption Leads to Another - from The Orlando Sentinel - February 9, 2006

Adoption leads to another -- then more
Michael Mcleod Sentinel Staff Writer
Posted February 9, 2006


It took thousands of dollars, reams of paperwork and every frequent-flier mile they could muster for Jeff and Lisa Kircik to adopt their two Chinese-born children.But the connection to their daughters' homeland did not end when they returned to their Winter Park home from China with Jenna, 5, and Annalise, 3.
Like most of the American couples who have adopted a total of more than 50,000 Chinese orphans in the past 10 years, they retain an abiding bond with the country where their children were born -- and with the orphanages in particular.That connection was so compelling to Jeff, 38, a project engineer for Siemens, that he used two weeks of his vacation and $3,000 in savings to travel to China two months ago. He persuaded his company to donate a washer and dryer to one of the orphanages, and offered his services to Packages of Hope, a charity devoted to helping orphanages throughout the world. Kircik visited with Chinese workers and government officials and delivered money and other contributions to three orphanages."It just felt like a very natural progression to go back," he says. "I actually felt very selfish. I wanted to go there again. I wanted to do something for the children.""We're just ordinary people," says Lisa Kircik. "We don't have unlimited resources. But we wanted to do something."The abundance of Chinese orphans -- almost all of them girls -- is the result of social pressures and governmental regulations in that country, where it is illegal for couples to have more than one child.Jeff Kircik says he would like to return to deliver more aid, though he'll have to start saving up his frequent-flier miles once again.His efforts don't seem unreasonable to Dawna and Matt Prostak, a Central Florida couple who also have adopted two Chinese girls, Madalyn, 3, and Mackenzie, 15 months. "The bond is hard to describe. The last time we left China, it was hard to come home," says Dawna.

Adopted Woodchip

Dossier in Transit

I sent out the dossier to the Grand Rapids agency office yesterday, Tuesday. 6 months of document processing, class session, telephone calls too numerous to count, physical exams, FBI Investigation, Immigrations processing, Orange County Sherriff's approval, blood tests, birth certificate requests, marriage certificate requests, personal referrals, results of 20 online courses, reports on 3 books on international adoption, 3 home studies (and their results), 3 french hens, 2 turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree ----- are now in the hands of the US Post Office. Hard to part with with all of these original documents ..... I almost felt an attachment to them ........ if they mess up on delivery, we're going to go somewhare far away and ......... well, I probably better not say ....... could impede the adoption procedure. I'll post it when it's received..............

Dossier.........done !!!

We have equated the last 9 months of our lives with the period of time that the couple does all the right things (not that we've been doing the wrong things) to have a child. You wait, you hope....are we pregnant? Then there's that bridge of time when you're unsure that it took. That's where we are now in this adoption scheme of things. We have just reviewed our dossier with our case worker and everything's in order (even the last document which we received today.) The whole pack of papers is ready to be sent off to our agency's home office in Grand Rapids, Michigan where it is re-read and then sent to China for translation. When the package is received in China, it is given a registry date and then the 9 - 11 month waiting period starts.

During that period, postings will probably consist of articles we've come across and pleas for prayer for patience and anxiety relief. This will probably be a most difficult time, so if you have been keeping up with the Schafhausers via this blog, please leave us a response to this post and tell us you'll be praying for us and have us in your thoughts. We'll read them frequently and get strength from them. Thank you for sticking with us.........let the pregnancy begin.......Don & Be

Immigrations: Approved!

We received word from the Department of Immigrations that we have been approved for China adoption! The document is already on file with the Kim Wu Chinese Restaurant and Adoption Agency (I'm bizarre I know but I truly don't know what the agency is called), so we have only one more document to be certified in Tallahassee (our agency's license) and all of the items for our dossier will be in order. The final one should come this week, Praise God!
Thanks for your prayerful support during this waiting period.......................Don

It's Official - Don Really Was Born

We received Don's birth certificate from the Secretary of State of the Great State of New Jersey. Don was beginning to doubt his existence. Now, we are waiting for Tallahassee to certify our agency's license along with the Immigrations clearance (processing began in July). Then the dossier will be ready for forwarding to the home office for translation and expediting to China. Anyone have a spare kid out there? This paperwork is getting ridiculous.

3rd Time Is A Charm

We have just been assigned our 3rd adoption case worker. Due to personnel movement within our agency, this is apparently a necessary move, no reflection on our adoption eligibility. Unfortunately, a ball or 2 got dropped in the process causing delay in some of the paperwork needed for our dossier. We have also been informed that the Chinese government has extended the waiting period for placement of a child to 6 - 8 months after the dossier is received in China. We are obviously disappointed with this latest development, however we are confident of the soverignty of God in the whole picture (read the 2x4 posting).
The Great State of New Jersey actually doubled up on the original request for a certified birth certificate - so now we have multiple documents, but none which have been approved by the secretary of state (original request on Dec 12 - I'm cutting them some slack due to Christmas vacations).
So, that's the latest.....more updates when we have some news....pray for us for patience and anxiety levels.....God bless........Don